Because of You
by GiraffeGirl
Summary: Madison Lawrence isn't usually in trouble, but she's there that fateful Saturday, alongside the Brain, the Athlete, the Basketcase, the Princess and the Criminal. The Invisible Girl is about to become much more visible, whether she likes it or not. Language used is in line with that used in the film.
1. Chapter 1

_I really shouldn't have done this. I have several other stories to finish, one of which was on my New Year's Resolutions' list, and on top of that I have a silly new job which I should probably be spending every waking minute on. But I've had the biggest Breakfast Club binge recently and this just sort of happened. It's largely written itself with some more awkward points where I've had to work at it, but I've just hit the chapter which was the original idea and I reckon I might actually finish this one! I can probably do an update a week to prevent myself getting in a stress about never finishing._

_The idea's been done to death of course, extra kid in detention, but I've tried to do something different. Starts in the original detention so I've borrowed some of John Hughes' amazing script although tried not to do it word for word. John Bender is an absolute treat to write I'm finding, and that's down to Hughes' excellent writing in the first place (and Judd Nelson being sexy as hell in the film)._

_Please review. I almost never get reviews and I like reviews!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except Madison and her family._

* * *

The truck drew to a slow stop outside of Shermer High School. It was strange seeing the parking lot so empty without all of the teachers' and seniors' cars. Instead there were just a couple of other parents dropping their offspring off for this, the dreaded Saturday morning detention.

Madison turned her gaze away from the dismal view outside of her window and looked at the equally depressing sight of her mother next to her. She looked so tired, Madison thought. Getting up at six am in order to bring her errant daughter to school was absolutely not what Laura Lawrence needed at the moment and Madison opened her mouth to apologise once again.

'Don't.' Laura cut her dead. 'I get it, you're sorry. Stop apologising.'

Madison hung her head even lower, her too-brassy dyed blonde hair falling across her face, embarrassed at having been called out like that. Laura had always had the uncanny ability to read her children's minds and call their bluff. It was lucky that she was usually so cool about what they got up to.

Laura gave a deep sigh. 'What time is this thing over then?'

'Four.'

She nodded slowly. 'Okay. You okay to get home by yourself?'

'Yeah.'

Laura turned to look at her only daughter then. 'Mads, I'm not angry, okay? I get why you did it. But there's rules, honey and-'

Madison interrupted by opening up the car door and picking up her overpacked satchel. 'It's cool. I can… catch up on some study or something.'

Laura nodded again. 'Okay. Well, you know where I'll be if you need me.'

'Yeah.' Then, as she shut the door, she added, 'Tell Zach I'll come see him tomorrow, yeah?'

'Of course.' Then Laura was pulling away and Madison was left standing alone, huddled inside a coat two sizes too big for her. Another kid walked into the school, a blond haired jock. Madison tried not to roll her eyes in exasperation: today was going to be beyond long.

* * *

'…oh six. You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here. To ponder the error of your ways…'

Madison let her attention wander again. Mr Vernon was well-known as somebody who liked his own voice and she'd never had much time for him since junior year when he'd bawled out Jennifer Graham for being late the day after her father's funeral. The man was a disgrace to the teaching profession as far as she was concerned, and besides, she'd already heard much of this particular speech when she'd first been hauled in front of him for having missed fifth period on Tuesday. He wasn't very original either.

Her ears pricked up as she heard one particular word though.

'…essay – of no less than a thousand words – describing to me who you think you are.'

Before Madison could say anything, the boy sitting directly to her right, whose feet had been on the table until recently, asked 'Is this a test?'

It was, Madison thought, a reasonably sensible question, one she might have asked herself; the unfortunate thing was that John Bender never asked sensible questions and so Mr Vernon completely ignored him, breaking into a familiar rant.

'And when I say essay… I mean _essay_. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear Mr Bender?'

Madison glanced briefly over at Bender who seemed bored with the entire situation. This was at least better than the usual antagonism he displayed regularly in the history class they both took; it never ended well, for either teacher or student.

'Crystal.' The word fell from Bender's mouth with more sarcasm than it strictly needed.

As Mr Vernon droned on, Madison picked up the pencil he'd placed on her desk, already wondering how she'd tackle this task. She was vaguely aware of the boy in front of her, a sort of nerd-y character called Brian who she recognised from chemistry and English lessons, standing up and giving some sort of stammered speech, but it wasn't until there came a pause from the teacher that she really tuned back in, almost surprised at the sudden lull in noise.

'…any questions?'

There was a brief pause.

'Yeah, I got a question.'

Madison looked over again, wondering how this has already become the John Bender Show; this made history class look like a breeze in comparison. It seemed Vernon wasn't enjoying it either. If he wasn't such an asshole, she might feel sorry for him.

Seemingly satisfied with his audience, Bender asked, 'Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?'

Madison inwardly groaned as Vernon threw another detention at him before stalking out. She wondered if the vice-principal was aware that it was behaviour like that which made people like Bender go out of their way in order to wind him up. She thought it would have been obvious but in her experience, sometimes people, especially teachers, missed the obvious things in life.

Not so Madison. Years of keeping a low profile had taught her that quickly assessing your surroundings was the best way to avoid standing out within them. Mimicking body postures and finding the most inconspicuous corner of a room was second nature to her now. Actually, the corner wasn't always the best place to sit if you didn't want to be noticed, she'd found; fixing yourself to such a point often allowed teachers to learn your name far quicker than if you buried yourself away amongst people somewhere else in the room. She guessed it was something to do with how they learned seating arrangements or something. Whatever the reason, she was pretty certain that her choice of second row back, just off centre, would help her to avoid too much attention today. It also provided the perfect vantage point to check out all but the table behind her without really looking up.

Across the aisle sat John Bender, professional irritant, amateur psychopath. There were more rumours about him than Madison could ever have hoped to remember, and it was just possible that most of them were true. His little performance today had already proven that he would be no less annoying in detention than he was four days a week in history. She'd employ the tried and tested technique of avoidance and hope for the best with him.

In front of her was Brian, a boy who'd made much less of an impression upon her in the year they'd shared chemistry and English classes. He was the archetypal geek, the sort of boy who didn't hang around in corridors much and tried to stay out of everybody's way. Madison could empathise; not everybody wanted to be the centre of attention. She'd give him the right to remain silent and undetected.

Just in front of her and to the right sat a boy who she'd no doubt bumped into before. She was probably supposed to know who he was; his letterman boasted of his sporting prowess and athletes were virtual gods in high school. The fact that Madison had ceased taking an interest in sports before she even made it to Shermer High meant that she was probably one of the few seniors who didn't know who this was. She expected she was probably the only girl in school who didn't know him as well: he was pretty cute. But she'd ignored cute boys before. She'd just avoid eye contact; she was generally beneath such Adonises notice anyway.

The girl behind her was, Madison knew from her entrance, the standard school-issue loony. She was trying the age-old tactic of wearing dark colours in order to blend in, a strategy completely useless in a snow-covered Chicago March. Madison knew that wearing neutral colours was far less conspicuous, but it had been a process of trial and error. She'd forgive the girl and give her what she desired: absolutely nothing.

Which just left Claire Standish. It was the first time Madison had allowed herself to look directly at the pretty red-head since she'd walked in the door. Dressed in pink, which should by rights have clashed with her hair, Claire looked the epitome of high-school chic. Everything about her reeked of money and excess, only making her appearance here doubly surprising to Madison. Bender and the lunatic were probably regulars here. The jock had probably done something dumb and the principal, so as not to be accused of favouritism, had used him as an example to everybody. Right now, Madison couldn't really imagine was Brian had done to wind up here with the deadbeats and criminals of the world, but it was Claire she was most baffled by. Not quite a cheerleader, but close enough for it to be a moot point, Claire was the kind of student who didn't end up in situations like these. If she couldn't charm her way out of a Saturday detention, her father's credit card could almost certainly have done it for her. It wasn't that Madison couldn't believe she'd done anything wrong; it was simply unbelievable that she'd been punished for it. And moreover, why it had to be this weekend that the principal and Mr Standish had decided to put their respective feet down and treat Claire like an ordinary human being instead of the princess she usually was. Madison had successfully avoided being in an enclosed space with her for nearly six years. When she thought back to the last time they'd been left to their own devices like this, she felt a familiar fluttering in her chest and pressed it down inside her firmly. She would not panic. She would not freak out. Claire Standish was no different from the hundreds of people she slid past without their ever noticing every day. It was just a case of keeping silent and still. She was good at that.

A plan of action decided upon, Madison closed her eyes slowly and tried to find her usual composure. She had studied in far worse situations than this. In fact, studying in the library was practically a luxury compared to her usual spot curled up on her bunk at home. She could do this. Even if the school felon was sitting across the aisle from her. Even if the school lunatic was behind her. Even if Claire Standish was directly in her eye line. Ignoring people was something she was very good at. She was born for this.

Blocking out her fellow detainees mutters and mumbles, she stared down at the sheet of lined paper in front of her. Essays were her thing. She'd received nothing lower than an A- for every quiz and assignment in English since sophomore year and her history record was pretty good too. Her favourite teacher, Mr Anderson, had told her that her sensitivity when responding to texts was mature beyond her years. Analysing herself should be a cinch.

Half an hour later, it didn't seem quite so easy. Brian had been murmuring to himself, clearly as stumped by this as she was. Who did she think she was? If she was honest, she didn't give it a whole lot of thought. She didn't have time. Who did, she mused now, thinking of all the other things the day could be filled with rather than spending it navel gazing. Quite apart from school and work, there were ten thousand things she could think of which would better waste her time than this. Such as the clubs the others were talking about now. Madison was unable to tune out that voice any longer.

'… you're afraid that they won't take you. You don't belong so you just have to dump all over it…' asserted Claire with the familiar certainty that only came with the security of Daddy's cheque book. She'd always been so confident, Madison remembered; of course she'd try to take John Bender on. Perhaps she'd even win; stranger things had happened.

'Well… it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes now, would it?' Bender shot back. Boy had a point, Madison supposed, although she knew she was probably as ill-placed to judge as he was. She hadn't joined a single club at Shermer High and whilst she knew that would probably count against her when it came to college scholarship applications, she was hoping her flawless GPA and full work CV would balance that out. Her dodgy attendance record she was hoping they'd overlook.

She'd missed Claire's comeback and only caught Bender's retort: 'Well I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not gonna run out and join one of their fucking clubs.'

Madison decided to tune out again as the jock reprimanded him for his language. She wasn't sure why: the sports teams usually weren't averse to some swearing. Still, he seemed to have appointed himself as some kind of white knight to Bender's black knave; he was only playing his part. Claire, for her part, was slipping effortlessly into the damsel in distress role. By the same analogy, Madison was hoping she'd be more of the innocent bystander who made up the crowd scene; essential in a completely unimportant way.

The small benefit of joining a club, she supposed, was that answering this damn essay question would likely be a lot easier. Claire, for instance, could make reference to her substantial commitment to student wellbeing through her organisation of senior prom. She was Queen Bee, a princess in her own small sphere. An easy answer, although Madison wasn't convinced how that could be spun out for a thousand words. Still, it was a start, whilst she was still staring down at a blank page.

The inclusion of Brian jerked Madison back into the room rather reluctantly. She was usually very good at zoning out of situations she wasn't happy in; she'd had a lot of practice. It wasn't even very interesting talk, all about what he did in his physics club. For Madison, who was only taking chemistry in order to balance her subjects, physics club sounded pretty horrific.

'So it's sorta social,' Bender commented. 'Demented and sad, but social. Right?'

Madison gave a small smile and then straightened her face, hoping nobody had noticed. So used to passing through each and every school day without anybody really acknowledging her, she found she really didn't want to be outed right now. The tension in the room was electric and she didn't want to get involved.

If she'd been kinder, she would have intervened and saved the boy from Bender's teasing. Answering the question with a profound seriousness, he said, 'Yeah, well, I guess you could consider it a social situation. I mean, there are other children in my club and at the end of the year we have, um, you know, a big banquet at the, uh, Hilton.'

That sounded intensely social to Madison. She knew that 'the Hilton' probably sounded more exclusive than it really was: they were letting Shermer High School's physics club rent a room, for God's sake. But it was certainly a more social occasion than she had taken part in for as long as she could remember and for a moment she was jealous of Brian, even if the trade-off was attending physics club.

Perhaps that was what she was, she mused, as the conversation continued around her: jealous. It wasn't something she'd ever considered herself before, but now she thought about it, jealousy was a pretty familiar feeling. Glancing around this room now, she could think of a few things she envied her detention-mates. Even the girl behind her who had spoken as little as she had seemed to have more going for her judging by the drawing she'd already completed. Madison was hopeless at art.

And of course there was Claire. Madison tried to limit herself to only being jealous of one tiny aspect of the Princess's life, imagining how college deans would salivate over having someone with Claire's social standing apply. Even the jock could command some attention when it came to application time, and judging by the way Claire wasn't completely blanking him, she guessed he was pretty set up for life as well. Madison shut down her thoughts then, desperately trying to avoid going too far down that path. Her fear was that once she started considering Claire Standish's life too much, she'd never run out of things to be jealous of.

Much easier to consider how Brian was another shoe-in for college. His whole life was studying and building up a GPA others could only ever be envious of. Madison was mainly envious of the time he had to complete all his assignments; she could hazard a guess he even had his own desk at home.

Jealous of Bender though. Madison risked a quick glance at the senior from underneath her bangs, hoping he wouldn't notice her taking any interest. She knew his reputation around school. It was said that there was nothing he wouldn't smoke or drink and nobody he wouldn't flip off if the need arose. His chances of gaining a scholarship to any college other than clown school were even more remote than hers were. 'Envy' wasn't the first word to spring to mind when you thought of John Bender. But at least people knew who he was. At least there were stories told about him. Sometimes, only sometimes, Madison tired of needing to be invisible; perhaps she wouldn't always feel so exhausted if she was allowed to be noticed.

It did have its perks though. Setting her non-existent essay aside, she rooted through her bag and retrieved the well-worn book which Mr Anderson had lent her that week. He'd provided a steady stream of texts in the last year, knowing that money to buy books was thin on the ground at home. It was ironic that Madison would likely finish high school more well-read than wealthier students such as Claire, who she knew considered books to be mainly ornamental. However, unlike many of her achievements to date, not least the B+ she'd gained in biology the previous semester, it wasn't for how it would look on an application form that she willingly ploughed through the books. Madison doubted Mr Anderson would ever really appreciate how much of a lifeline he'd thrown her in these small temporary gifts. Reading took her away from the daily events she tried her best to forget about; he'd given her the gift of escape.

Now she opened the copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird_ where she'd left it the previous evening and instantly she was at the trial of Tom Robinson, listening to Mayella Eweull's statement and feeling her heart break for the girl who knew no better. Madison knew what it felt like, people looking down on you. She just hoped she wasn't quite as childish in the way she coped with it.

It was only when the noise around her quietened down enough for her to feel awkward that she looked up. Her discomfort only increased as she found five pairs of eyes rooted upon her, accompanied by some mildly surprised expressions. For a few moments, she braved it out, her eyes darting from face to face and hoping the next one would turn away. Claire at least had the good grace to drop her eyes momentarily as they made eye contact, six years vanishing in an instant, before the red-head remembered how much everything had changed. Even the strange girl behind her seemed riveted by the sight of her. For the invisible girl it was all, suddenly, too much.

Her mom had always said she had a temper on her, one which was like that of a wild animal. When backed into a corner, Madison's natural desire to remain unnoticed vanished and she lashed out, all spitting teeth and claws.

Facing them defiantly, she shook her bangs out of her face and demanded, 'What? You've never seen somebody reading before?'

'No. I've just never seen somebody _enjoying_ it before.' Bender faced her down, his retort as cutting and drenched in sarcasm as all of those he'd directed at the others. 'Has it got a lot of dirty chapters in it? To… Kill… a… Mockingbird…' he overlaboured every syllable as though the ability to read was one which had evaded him so far in life.

Madison bit her tongue and refrained from snapping again as the jock frowned.

'That's not on the syllabus.'

'It's for extra credit.' That was far easier than explaining that Mr Anderson had become her personal librarian of late. She doubted anybody here would think much of that particular development. Besides, he had recently set an assignment which asked students to select a book and explore a theme of their choice in three thousand words. Madison just hadn't quite picked which book she was going to write on yet.

'You're doing that assignment?' Brian put in now, as though extra credit were an alien concept to him, when Madison knew full well that he'd completed one on cell division only last month. She knew what he was saying though, because it was the reaction of all science nerds.

'What, literature doesn't count?' Lashing out again, she regretted it almost instantly as Brian began a stammering explanation which only landed him in further trouble.

'I didn't say… I didn't mean… just… well… it's only a book, it's not…'

Rolling her eyes, she tried to turn back to her book, 'Forget it.'

'No!' Bender leapt into action and Madison cringed inwardly, having seen him in action one too many times before. 'Brian here thinks literature is a waste of time.'

'I didn't say that!'

'You, however, seem to think that reading three hundred pages about two kids trying to smoke out their schizo neighbour whilst around them race relations go to absolute shit is a jolly Saturday evening jaunt.'

Madison blinked twice, taken aback. Unguarded, she said, 'You've read it?'

'I've seen the movie, Twinkie.' With that, he turned away, as though his judgment on the book was the only one which counted. Madison was reminded of Claire's earlier statement: _'… you're afraid that they won't take you. You don't belong so you just have to dump all over it…'_

Madison had never considered herself especially courageous. True, some people might say that what she did every day was kind of brave, especially those who were being particularly patronising and made her want to puke as much as Zach did, but in terms of real ballsy standing up for herself courage, she could probably have counted on one hand the amount of times she'd bothered. Certainly, nobody in this room had ever been on the receiving end of her temper. Whatever possessed her on this occasion, she had no idea.

'Then you'll also know,' she said now, watching as Bender's back froze in surprise that the so-far almost completely silent girl had mustered up a response from somewhere. 'That it's about how wrong it is to pick on someone who has done you absolutely no harm. How attacking something harmless and innocent is one of the biggest sins you can commit. Or maybe they don't cover that in the film.'

Five pairs of eyes landed on her again, four of them astonished at the literary debate which had suddenly broken out before them. The fifth pair stared back at her steadily and after a brief pause, Bender's mouth twisted into a small smile.

Unnerved by his response, Madison went straight into defence mode again. 'I don't even know why I'm fucking bothering.' She knew the curse sounded too studied and not careless enough. The one thing Laura really drew the line at was swearing: 'You're a bright girl, Mads. Cursing makes you sound dumb.' Still, it gave her words a little extra edge which seemed to make her tormentor back off.

Burying her nose in her book again, she tried to get into Atticus's closing speech. It was quite possible she had a crush on Atticus, she thought, even if he was only a fictional character. He was certainly the kind of father she'd always wished she could have. It seemed she could even be jealous of Scout and Jem Finch.

An explosion from across the room dragged her back from Maycomb County Court to Shermer High library. Unsurprisingly, Bender and the jock had decided to have a dick-off again.

'No! Fix the door!' the jock shouted, although it was news to Madison it was even broken. She supposed that must have been what Bender was screwing around with a moment ago. 'Get up there and fix it!'

'Shut up!' The scream was perhaps more over the top than it needed to be, but it made all of them wince. And it was surely only a matter of time until:

'God damnit!' The door flew open and Vernon strode in. Sensing his anger, Madison hastily scrambled for her book and hid her face again, hoping she'd regain her usual invisibility.

She couldn't help hearing the ensuring fall out though, wondering if Bender knew how guilty his voice sounded by mere fact of his attempted innocence. What surprised her the most though was how the others, with the exception of the girl behind her, seemed open to continuing the lie, if not entirely comfortable with it. Even the jock, Andrew Clark, was willing to cover for the delinquent. It seemed his luck was still in.

Hers, however, had run out.

'You're not fooling anybody, Bender!' Vernon declared now, not even attempting to hide the malice in his voice. He really hated him, Madison decided, and for a brief second she felt sorry for the boy. 'The next screw that falls out is gonna be you!'

It was a dramatic parting speech and he turned to leave with a flourish. Then he stopped. And turned again.

'You. Hey, you!'

Madison lowered her book marginally to find the vice-principal hovering over her. Up close, she could see where he hadn't quite managed to dye the roots of his hair and silver was breaking through. She wondered who he was trying to impress.

'Who said you could read?'

'No one, sir?' Surprise made her answer with a question of her own. Being under a teacher's close scrutiny was a new experience for her. Ordinarily she suspected she could have stripped naked in most of her classes and nobody would have batted an eyelid. She wasn't certain she didn't prefer anonymity.

'Have you finished your essay?' He picked up the all-but blank paper and read her name, partially proving her point that she'd gone completely underneath the radar until now. 'Madison Lawrence. Why is this still blank?'

'I was finding it difficult, sir, and I thought-'

'_You thought_?' Vernon gave a poor imitation of her voice, opting for a stereotypically high nasal female voice where Madison's had always been throaty, as if she'd been a heavy smoky since she was a child. 'I don't remember asking you to think.'

The irony of his statement unleashed her tongue. 'Well, sir, the title of the essay was-'

He clearly realised his mistake and he responded as she would have: by attacking. 'Don't get smart with me, missy! That's next Saturday gone!'

Disbelief ripped through her and she lost all control of herself. 'What? But sir…'

'Are you arguing with me? That's another one.'

'That's not fair!'

'Fair? Who's talking about fair? That's another.'

Panic overtook her and she babbled, 'But, sir, you don't understand…' Already she was losing count – was that two or three? The weekends stretched away ahead of her and each one sent another shot of fear through her.

'I'm not paid enough to understand, _Miss Lawrence_. That makes it four.'

'Four? But I can't…' A month. A whole month with every Saturday spent here.

'You can, my girl. That's five. Are you done?'

Madison opened her mouth to say something but no words would come out. There was a long pause as Vernon waited for her to put yet another foot wrong. Then she closed her mouth and her eyes, willing herself not to cry as she slumped down in her seat, her book left abandoned on the desk.

'That's right.' Vernon sounded satisfied, smug even, and a rare urge for violence swept over Madison as she wondered whether punching him in the face would make her feel any better. She expected it would only leave her with bruised knuckles.

'Now, the rest of you. I want these essays finished. I'm especially looking forward to yours, Miss Lawrence. And yours, Bender. Hop to it!'

'Eat my shorts.'

Madison wondered if she'd heard correctly and opened her eyes to look across at Bender. That look was on his face again, the one which promised he could break somebody's nose without even flinching. For an instant she wondered if he'd learnt how to read minds and she hoped he hadn't: she didn't actually want Vernon to be punched.

Vernon turned slowly. 'What was that?'

'Eat. My Shorts.' Bender's gaze never flickered from the teacher's face.

Vernon momentarily looked flummoxed and then he fell back on his tried and tested methods of discipline. 'You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister!'

'Oh Christ!

'You just bought one more right there!'

'Well, I'm free the Saturday after that,' Bender struck a faux-conversational tone. 'Beyond that, I'm gonna have to check my calendar!'

'Good! Cause it's gonna be filled!' Vernon almost sounded as though he was enjoying this. Madison had no idea why he'd enjoy minding somebody he clearly despised. 'We'll keep going! You want another one? Say the word, just say the word! Instead of going to prison, you'll come here. Are you through?'

Bender's enjoyment of the situation seemed to be waning, yet still he persisted. 'No!'

'I'm doing society a favour!'

'So?'

'That's another one, right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one?'

'Yes!'

'You got it! You got another one, right there! That's another one pal!'

'Cut it out!' Claire suddenly broke in, saying the words which were almost on Madison's lips only she had the courage to say them. _Stop_, she mouthed to Bender, as though she'd have any power over him when he got the bit between his teeth like this. Madison was starting to see why he was quite so feared at school.

'You through?' Vernon asked now and Madison hoped Bender could read minds now as she sent him silent messages: _For God's sake, stop_.

'Not even close, _bud!_' Bender spat the words out. It was like it was causing him physical pain.

'Good! You got one more, right there!' Vernon said gleefully.

'Do you really think I give a shit?'

'Another…' Bender fixed the teacher with a glare, as though he was disgusted that it was the worst punishment he could inflict upon him.

Vernon took his silence as a sign he was breaking him. 'You through?'

'How many is that?'

Madison was surprised to find Brian piping up. 'That's seven, including the one when we first came in and you asked Mr Vernon here whether Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet.' God, how childishly this had all started.

'Now it's eight,' Vernon said decisively before adding to Brian, 'you stay out of it!'

In a rare moment of assertiveness, driven by his predilection for math, Brian said, 'Excuse me, sir, it's seven!'

'Shut up, Peewee!' Vernon dismissed him out of hand before turning back to the real prey. 'You're mine, Bender… for two months. I gotcha! I gotcha!'

'What can I say? I'm thrilled!'

'Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe. You know something Bender? You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people. You might be better off.' The intense exchange drew to a close. 'Alright, that's it! I'm going to be right outside those doors. The next time I have to come in here… I'm cracking skulls!'

The door crashed shut behind him only seconds before Bender yelled, 'Fuck you!'

Silence reigned in the library for an instant, as though everybody had just taken part in some kind of endurance race. It had been some show, Madison thought, almost enough to have taken her mind off of her own detentions.

Then, 'You could say thank you.'

She turned to look at Bender incredulously, instantly going into attack mode. 'Excuse me?'

'It's a little thing, people like it. Hey, I'm giving up my Saturdays for you.'

Her jaw dropped. 'You're… what?'

'I didn't think you'd want to be left alone with Dick-Wad Vernon for the next five weeks.'

She wondered if it was her being illogical. Perhaps this was what happened when you started skipping school and getting detentions. Maybe this was a social occasion in itself. Then she mentally shook herself. This was insanity. And not at all useful to her. She didn't want somebody keeping her company. She wanted the detentions to go away.

'You think I should be grateful?' she virtually spat at him. 'It would be more useful if you'd offered to do my shifts at work for the next five weeks. Which I'll now have to forfeit and I'll probably lose my job. But you know, thanks for your generous offer. Jesus.' She was semi-satisfied to see his cocksure smile fade off of his face as she resolutely turned her back on him and stared down at her blank sheet of paper.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you to those people who read Chapter 1. Perhaps this will actually appear on the database now as I'm blowed if I can find it on there!_

* * *

It was still blank when they went to the bathroom hours later, and remained blank as the clock hands crept around to half ten. They'd already been here three and a half hours. Madison couldn't believe they still had five and a half to go, nor that she had to endure this for another five Saturdays, all with John fucking Bender fooling around. She thought even her mom would forgive the swearing on this occasion.

Bender wasn't discerning in his choice of people to pick on. Having derided Brian's attempts to fit in, claiming his home life wasn't all that, he then moved onto Claire, first attacking her name, then her weight and now moving onto her sex life. Naturally, Madison thought, rolling her eyes; why be original? As was usual for Bender, he took it way too far.

'Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth?' he demanded now, getting up in Claire's face. 'Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off… hoping to God your parents don't walk in?'

Claire just about held her nerve as she responded, 'Do you want me to puke?' Madison couldn't help thinking that she was playing directly into his hands. Why not just lie if you didn't want to tell the truth? In a perverse way, she was almost enjoying his torturing the Princess; a crueller side of her might have felt it was just what Claire deserved.

As predicted, Bender continued, his voice intense. 'Over the panties, no bra, blouse unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on the front seat past eleven on a school night?'

Madison hoped her own flushed cheeks were hidden by her book. That all sounded far too familiar a situation and Bender was being far too unpredictable; the next thing she knew, she'd be the one being interrogated.

And then Andrew swooped in, the Luke Skywalker to Bender's Darth Vader. Testosterone flew around and Madison lost interest. Pleased to be ignored again, she ploughed through _To Kill a Mockingbird_, ignoring her fellow reprobates. When she finally reached the last page at lunchtime, she felt a brief moment of satisfaction before she realised she still had several hours to kill without a book to fill the time. True, she was in a library, but she suspected getting up to fetch a book would only draw everybody's attention towards her again.

It was apparently Brian's turn to be mocked again and Bender was acting out an elaborate pantomime of what he imagined life to be like in the Johnson household. The others were finding it reasonably humorous, even as Brian squirmed in his chair. Madison watched impassively, neither entertained nor repulsed, although mildly amused by Claire's almost-supercilious smirk: from what Madison remembered, Claire was worshipped just as much as Bender envisaged Brian was. It was only when he reached the climax of his performance that she widened her eyes, as he mimed Brian's dad punching his mom in the face. The laughter stopped almost instantly and everyone looked towards Brian a little guiltily, as though it really had been his parents who had appeared in front of them.

'Alright. What about your family?' Andrew demanded.

'Oh mine? That's real easy.' Bender bounded down the library, as though he needed more space for this. Suddenly, Madison had an uneasy feeling about this. He'd been so cagey so far, not even openly stating his name when Claire had directly asked. He'd spoken to the janitor without any explanation as to how he knew him. Madison couldn't quite believe he would give away something about himself so readily.

There was a brief pause before he began. Overblown as he always was, Bender launched in with, 'Stupid, worthless, no good, God damned, freeloading, son of a bitch, retarded, bigmouth, know it all, asshole, jerk!' In a sudden switch he said in a horribly nasal voice, 'You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful' before aiming a backhand into thin air. 'Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie!'

A quick glance at the others showed Madison she wasn't the only one horrified by this. Brian was fixated and Claire had gone even paler than usual. Only Andrew remained unconvinced.

'What about you, Dad?' Bender said now, his own voice returning before he retorted, 'Fuck you! No, Dad, what about you? Fuck you! No, Dad, what about you? Fuck you!' And he aimed a punch before reacting as if somebody had landed one upon him.

Madison could feel her heart leaping in her chest and she balled her hands into fists, biting her lip so hard she drew blood.

'Is that for real?' Brian asked in a small voice, clearly completely out of his depths.

'You wanna come over sometime?' Bender offered.

'That's bullshit.' They all turned to stare at Andrew as he spoke his mind. 'It's all part of your image. I don't believe a word of it.'

Madison turned her head fast enough to catch the expression which would change everything. Bender looked hurt, his first attempt at sharing something with them crushed and thrown back at him. In that instant, she knew this wasn't the act; this was the truth behind it all. And she so wished Andrew would shut up.

'You don't believe me?'

'No.'

'No?'

'Did I stutter?'

Bender launched towards him, and for a moment she thought there might actually be a punch landed for real. Then he offered up his right forearm where there was a small perfectly circular burn. Thrusting it under Andrew's nose, he demanded, 'Do you believe this? Huh? It's about the size of a cigar. Do. I. Stutter? You see, this is what you get in my house when you spill paint in the garage.' Sauntering away, trying to regain his earlier swagger, he added, 'See, I don't think I need to sit here with you fuckin' dildos anymore!' His fit of rage which followed led to him throwing maps on the floor and climbing up to the balcony on the stairs.

They turned again to look at Andrew who at least had the dignity to look a little sheepish although Claire's reprimand was only met with a half-angry, half-embarrassed excuse. Madison was suddenly pleased she was female; men seemed incapable of losing face gracefully.

An awkward silence descended upon them as they all took in what they'd just witnessed. It certainly threw Andrew, Claire and Brian's whines about their parents into stark relief, Madison thought, and she partially relished that realisation; maybe now they'd realise how good they had it. Yet it wasn't the violence which stuck in her mind. She knew people were treated badly at home, some likely even worse than Bender. What had resonated with her was his impression of his mother: _You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful_. A fresh wave of guilt washed over her as she thought about Laura and how she hadn't told Madison off for this detention. She hadn't even complained about having to get up so early to drop her off. Nothing was too much for her kids, absolutely nothing, and if either of them were treated like Bender was, she'd kill the person who did it. It was the realisation that Bender had nobody in his corner that finally dragged her from her seat, ignoring the raised eyebrows from everybody else as she climbed the steps up to where he was slumped.

Channelling her mother again, she asked in a flippant tone, 'Is this pity party invite only or can anyone join in?'

She was gratified to see a smirk curl up the corners of his mouth. 'Take a seat. They're always free.'

Madison sat down cross-legged next to him. 'The Police. Nice.'

He turned to look at her, suspicion in his eyes. 'You know the Police?'

'My dad's English. What's your excuse?' Again that smirk, with perhaps a little more humour in it now. 'He used to play their records.'

'Used to?'

She was surprised how easily the words came. 'He left when I was twelve.'

Bender stared at her, his face inscrutable, until he said, 'Lucky for you.'

Madison bit her lip again, wincing as she re-opened the earlier wound. Given what she'd just learned about Bender's home life and his relationship with his dad in particular, she supposed he would see the lack of a man in her life as something positive. She opted not to shatter that particular illusion on this occasion. This was about him, not about how her dad walking out on her mom and two kids six years ago had been the precursor to everything going wrong.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, Madison fiddling with the laces on her non-branded sneakers. It was strange but this was the most at home she'd felt all day. It seemed being on Bender's team was far easier than trying to play against him.

'You know, Andrew didn't mean…'

'He's a dick-cheese. I could give a shit what he says.'

'Well… you sort of do,' Madison ventured and then held her breath, waiting to see how he'd react. She took the snort of laughter as a positive sign.

At length, he broke the silence again. 'I'm… sorry about your job.'

'S'alright.' She shrugged, her earlier anger with him dissipating. 'I'll work Sundays instead of seeing my brother.' Not seeing Zach for a month was a thought she pushed to the back of her mind for now, something to be examined more closely when she was alone.

'Older or younger?'

'Younger.'

'Unlucky.'

'He's pretty cool actually. What?' she asked as Bender raised an eyebrow. 'Am I not supposed to say my kid brother's cool or something? Is that _not_ cool?'

'No. It's _very_ cool.'

Madison tried to pretend that Bender's opinion didn't matter.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for the follows and favourites and review so far. It continues to write itself. It's a long time since I've felt that a character I've written has quite such a story to be told._

* * *

Bender's opinion mattered even more as they came up to a dead end barely an hour later. Madison's heart rate rose as they realised their illicit foray threw the hallways for dope of all things was in grave danger of being discovered. She could only imagine how many more Saturdays she'd lose for this.

'Shit!' Andrew spoke for all of them but with an added tinge of realising he'd caused this; it had been his idea to cut through the activities' hall.

'Great idea Jerk Off.'

'Fuck you!'

Madison inwardly groaned as it seemed Bender and Andrew were going to lock horns again.

Then Claire spoke. 'Fuck you! Why didn't you listen to John?' It was _John_ now, Madison noted, unsure when the Princess had condescended to learn the Criminal's name. She was also unsure when she'd started caring; she thought she'd given up noticing what Claire Standish did years ago, and she wasn't aware she'd ever started caring what John Bender did. This was something new and she didn't much like it.

Brian summed up yet more of their feelings. 'We're dead.'

A brief pause. Then, 'No. Just me.'

Brian frowned. 'What do you mean?'

'Get back to the library. Keep your unit on this!' With that, Bender thrust his bag of dope down Brian's trousers, before turning and running away, singing loudly.

'What is he…?' Claire asked.

'He's saving us,' Madison said, surprising even herself by speaking. It was the first exchange she and Claire had had, even if it couldn't really be called a conversation. Then, frustrated by everybody's inaction, she added, 'Well, come on. No point us all getting fried.'

Bender's little trick worked. By the time he was pushed back into the library by Vernon, they were all seated again, Madison even having had time to grab another book on the way past. The vice-principal trotted out all of the usual insults and jibes at the boy's expense as he harassed him out of the door. Bender had regained his swagger in the face of the enemy and only left when he was good and ready. Madison had to admire that.

So now here they were, and it seemed it took Bender's absence for them all to realise that he had been the only thing which had glued them together. It was like they'd only just walked into the detention and hadn't already spent almost six hours together. Bender was all they'd had in common.

'So… so are you really doing that project?' Madison jerked herself back into the room as Brian turned around to ask her a question. So random a question was it that she was unable to respond until he added, 'The literature one.'

Stifling a smile, and wondering if that had been bothering him all day, she replied, 'Yeah. Why?'

'Oh, nothing.' He turned away again.

Andrew perched himself on his desk and turned his attention towards her. 'So you like English, huh?'

'Yeah.' Madison nodded and reflected upon how dull this conversation was. 'You?'

He shrugged. 'Nah. Not my thing.'

Madison nodded again as if she understood, which she didn't at all. She wondered when Claire would deign to speak to her, and dreaded it. There was nothing quite like the awkward conversation of former best friends.

Then the ceiling fell in and Bender came strolling down the stairs. In answer to their disbelieving stares he said, 'I forgot my pencil.'

And like that, they were a strange team again, protecting him from Vernon's latest outburst, even as Claire took exception to how the renegade looked up her skirt in the process. Madison reluctantly chalked up another reason for being jealous of the red-head: her disrespectful comments to the vice-principal were met only with idle threats. In comparison, Madison's own clutch of detentions seemed even more unfair.

She did, however, draw the line at Bender's next timetabled activity as he rescued his dope from Brian's underwear and everybody, even Andrew, practically fawned over him in order to share in the fun. When they all peeled off, Madison stayed where she was. It seemed her invisibility cloak was in full force again as nobody even asked if she was coming. It seemed they forgot about her instantly as soon as they took their first drag.

She spent the next half hour staring at the same page in her new book. She'd followed the advice in the back of her previous book that if she'd enjoyed _To Kill a Mockingbird_ she might like _Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry_, yet so far she was finding it much harder going. The laughter from elsewhere in the room wasn't helping, but ordinarily she could read anywhere, any time; noise wasn't usually a problem for her.

Nor was being left out normally an issue. Truth be told, she was used to it. In class, group projects were her worst nightmare as she was always forced to buddy up with somebody equally as unpopular as she was, somebody who usually seemed surprised she was even in their class. Her lab partner in chemistry had been calling her Marilyn for the past six months. Being overlooked was an everyday occurrence and she sometimes even encouraged it. It was definitely preferable to being acknowledged by Vernon. She didn't mind.

'Hey Twinkie.' She turned around so quickly she almost gave herself whiplash. Bender smirked as if he knew. 'You'll get eye strain.'

There was no following invitation, no request that she join them. Yet up she got and headed towards where they were all now slumped, the dope comedown beginning. Considering she hadn't minded being left out, she was surprised at how pleased she was to be included.

She arrived just as Andrew was asking, 'What would I do for a million bucks? Well, I guess I'd do as little as I had to.'

'That's boring,' Claire remarked, and Madison had to agree, though she was unsurprised by his guarded answer.

'Well, how am I supposed to answer?'

'The idea is to like search your mind for the absolute limit. Like, uh, would you drive to school naked?' It was slightly more adventurous than Madison would have expected from the Princess but one glance at Bender showed he was smirking at the tameness.

Andrew laughed. 'Um, would I have to get out of the car?'

'Of course.'

'In the spring or winter?'

'It doesn't matter,' Claire decided, before realising it probably did, and conceding, 'spring.'

'In front of the school or in the back of school?'

Madison refrained from urging the jock to live a little. Mind you, he had a status to uphold. If he turned up naked, people would notice.

'Either one.'

'Yes,' Andrew finally gave his answer.

'I'd do that!' Everybody jumped as Allison, the as-yet almost complete silent sixth detainee spoke. 'I'll do anything sexual,' she went on. 'I don't need a million dollars to do it either.'

The three guys remained silent, staring at her. Madison glanced at Claire who looked annoyed at having another female to compete with; Madison herself didn't seem to count so far. It was a familiar enough situation.

'You're lying,' the red-head declared.

'I already have,' Allison persisted. 'I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal.' _Way to blow their minds, _Madison thought as she looked at the guys. 'I'm a nymphomaniac!'

'Lie.' Claire rolled her eyes.

Brian's complete innocence was almost charming to behold. 'Are your parents aware of this?'

'The only person I told was my shrink.'

'And what'd he do when you told him?' Andrew asked.

'He nailed me.'

'Very nice,' Claire remarked, looking disgusted.

'I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape since I paid him,' Allison mused aloud, and Madison realised she was enjoying this. The dark-haired girl had been even more overlooked than she had been today and was now basking in everybody's attention.

'He's an adult!' Claire exclaimed.

'Yeah. He's married too.'

Claire pulled a face of distaste. 'Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?'

'Well, the first few times…'

'First few times? You mean he did it more than once?'

'Sure.'

'Are you crazy?'

Brian spoke, destroying what had been a complete two-hander for the last few minutes. 'Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing her shrink.' It was the first truly funny thing he'd said all day and Madison smiled. Finally he was putting those brains to good use.

Allison wasn't willing to let go of the limelight just yet though. 'Have you ever done it?' she asked Claire, a wicked grin on her face, bringing the conversation back to where it had been hours ago. Madison felt Bender shift ever so slightly, becoming more interested. She couldn't deny it, she was interested too. The last time she and Claire had spoken much, sex had been simply a vague word on the edges of their consciousness. This was certainly not a situation she'd ever imagined.

'I don't even have a psychiatrist.' _Smooth, Claire. Smooth_, Madison thought, surprising herself by how bitter the voice in her head sounded. She thought she'd buried all of her resentment away long ago.

'Have you ever done it with a normal person?'

'Now, didn't we already cover this?' the Princess said carelessly.

'You never answered the question.' Bender fixed her with a curious gaze.

'Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.' Her eyes briefly glanced off of Madison's and she looked away.

'It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it?' Allison pressed on.

'A what?'

'Well, if you say you haven't… you're a prude. If you say you have, you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't but when you do, you wish you didn't, right?'

'Wrong.' Claire rolled her eyes and then sidestepped the whole conversation neatly. 'Anyway, what about her?' Suddenly all eyes were turned towards Madison as Claire pointed at her, keen to direct attention away from herself. 'You're not asking her.'

'Me?' The word came out as a squeak. Privately she could think of several other words to use, but somehow this was what she'd expected. Thinking back, Claire had always been good at deflecting unwanted attention onto someone else, even her best friend if necessary. You didn't get to be social royalty without having an excellent PR strategy.

'So it's not alright for you to discuss your private life with total strangers but it is okay for her?' Andrew said, unwilling to drop his lance just yet. 'Come on, Claire.'

'I'm just asking!' Claire raised her eyebrows at Madison. 'Did _you_ ever do it?'

Madison looked around, uncomfortable being under everybody's scrutiny. What she'd really like to do was to call Claire out on her unfairness and general bitchfaceness. She wondered if the Princess was really interested, whether she still remembered enough of their giggled conversations to make this less an interrogation and more general curiosity. A pain she hadn't felt for years twisted inside of her; this wasn't a conversation they could have imagined having back then. This was the sort of information Claire would once have known about her. Finally, she responded, largely because Bender's attention was suddenly on her rather than the red-head. Perhaps they weren't so different after all.

'Yeah, I did it.' She glanced at the other's reactions. Brian, eyes wide, was fascinated by this entire subject, whilst she saw Andrew's opinion of her alter ever so slightly in his eyes; it seemed mainly positive. Allison, still enjoying the chaos she was causing, was watching her intently whilst Bender… his face was unreadable. And Claire stared back at her, eyes hard, as though she were angry for Madison for her answer. Like it was a competition, Madison thought. Two could easily play at that game

Pressing on, giving away far more than she usually did and not knowing why she was giving in to such pettiness, she said, 'It was one time, with my next door neighbour. He wasn't, like, an adult or anything. He was a kid, same as me.' God, it was ages since she'd even thought about Chris. To think he should be coming up in conversation today.

'I bet that wasn't awkward at all,' Andrew remarked. 'Afterwards I mean.'

She shrugged. 'He moved away. Neighbours don't tend to stay around long when you live on a trailer park.' Funny that it was this, rather than the admission of sexual activity, which made them all look surprised, even Bender. Madison had always had a feeling that she had a neon sign pointing at her announcing 'trailer trash', albeit one which everybody ignored out of politeness. Now it seemed apparent that it was just another thing about her that nobody had noticed. Claire, she noticed, had fallen ominously silent.

'A trailer park?' Brian repeated, as though she'd said she lived in Africa and commuted to Illinois every day. Bender's vision of the nerd's home life came back to her and only seemed more accurate.

'Yeah.' She gave a small giggle at their close to horrified looks. Apparently being beaten up by your dad was marginally more normal than living in a caravan. Wanting to explain a little further, she said, 'My dad walked out on us a few years ago. My mom couldn't afford the rent on her own and the guy who owns the trailer park is a sort of friend of hers.' It was only then that she realised she'd been speaking mainly to Claire, as though this was a private conversation between the two of them, one long overdue. It was the conversation they hadn't had when they were in seventh grade and life had become so difficult that they'd stopped speaking. Perhaps this was the moment it all changed.

'You did it in a trailer?'

_You bitch. _She looked at Claire incredulously, unable to believe that this was how the conversation was going to end. '_That's_ the most important part to you?' Momentarily almost choking on a sob which crept up on, she shook her head and said, 'For the record, no. It's only got two rooms. I share with my mom.' _So fuck you._

'God, Cherry, for a virgin you're pretty sex-obsessed,' Bender groaned, and Madison retreated back into silence, privately agreeing with him.

'I'm not sex-obsessed!'

'Maybe she's a tease,' Allison put in.

'She's a tease,' Andrew concluded with a smile.

And so it went on for the next couple of minutes, only subsiding when they finally managed to make her admit she was a virgin. It was such a lot of energy wasted for nothing, Madison though. Most days she never even considered her sexual status: Chris was long gone, she hadn't seen him since she was a freshman. Girls like Claire were the ones who made the whole thing seem so important, so precious and secret. They made girls like Allison think they had to lie and make grand statements about the role of love in it all. Madison fiddled with her shoelaces to prevent herself from saying anything more. The truth was that she hadn't slept with Chris because she loved him or to gain respect. Sometimes she wondered if she'd even really liked him. She'd slept with him because it had been an awful day and she was lonely. It had been a really dumb mistake.

Still, at least her dumb mistake was hidden away in her memory and not something tangible like Andrew's. It seemed his shame at what he'd done to Larry Lester only grew as he shared it and Brian's face showed that much of the hero worship he'd directed towards the jock had vanished. Madison thought it was largely just further proof of a thing she'd realised long ago: sometimes beautiful people did dickish things. At least Andrew was aware of it, plus his father sounded awful. It didn't justify what he'd done, but it did go some way to revealing more to him than a bone-headed wrestler.

'I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling,' Bender said after Andrew had revealed all. 'And Madison's, if we could find him.'

She gave him a grim smile, her father's absence still nothing to joke about all these years later. At least she was being included.

The need to be included led Brian to inadvertently insult Bender as he complained about his inability to pass shop, and led Claire to get upset all over again as the Criminal mocked her for everything from her party piece to her wealth. Part of Madison began to feel sorry for the Princess; she didn't wholly deserve this. It wasn't her fault she was like she was, any more than it was really Bender's or Brian's. The other part of Madison hoped Claire Standish would soon fall spectacularly off of her pedestal. It was about all she deserved.

Andrew spoke in a horrified voice eventually. 'My God, are we gonna be like our parents?'

'Not me… ever…' Claire decided, as though it was a bad thing to do. Her earlier assertions that they were using her like a pawn in their game of divorce had come as somewhat of a revelation to Madison, but still couldn't quite elicit her sympathy. She doubted Mr Standish would leave his precious daughter to life on a trailer park.

'It's unavoidable. It's just happens,' Allison said now.

'What happens?'

'When you grow up, your heart dies.'

'Who cares?' Bender shrugged.

'I care.' Allison's eyes filled with tears. She was such a strange mix of innocence and obscenities that Madison wasn't quite sure what to make of her. What she did know was that she sort of liked her, and so she spoke out.

'I don't believe that.' She'd been silent so long that they'd almost forgotten her again and looked surprised when she spoke. 'I don't think you change when you grow up. Not always. And anyway, I mean, I wouldn't mind being like my mom. She's an amazing mom.' A quick glance at Claire softened her heart slightly as the red-head smiled. She remembered her mom. That meant something to Madison.

'She cut the crusts off your sandwiches?' Bender asked. He was still seething from his row with Claire and Madison knew she should probably have ignored him. It was her mom, though. People didn't get to say stuff like that about her mom, and her temper flared up again, red and hot and dangerous.

'No. She works really hard to put food on the table whilst her kid's sick with leukaemia in hospital.' She winced even as the last word left her mouth, unsure where this need to dump all of her crap onto everybody else had come from. It was embarrassing.

Everybody else looked equally as mortified by her statement, not least Bender, who was looking down at the ground now, unable to meet anybody's eye. As for Claire, she'd lost her composure completely, and Madison was able to spare a small amount of remorse upon her; she'd known Zach when he was little. This was hardly the way to break news, even ancient news, like that.

It was Allison who finally spoke. 'Your sister?'

'Brother.' Madison shook her head, surprised by how emotional she felt. Zach had been sick for the best part of five years, with a brief period of being in remission. His being ill had taken over a third of his life and a large chunk of hers. It was everyday life to her, yet sharing it with people was something different.

'Cancer?' Andrew put in now.

She resisted the urge to snap at him, remembering how her mom had explained it all to her when Zach was first diagnosed and she was certain to have asked some silly questions. Instead, she nodded.

'He's fifteen,' she explained now, fiddling with her shoelaces again. 'He was diagnosed when he was ten. My dad had left not long before.' With the smile she'd perfected over the years in the face of yet more bad news, she said, 'It was a really shit year.' She didn't need to look at Claire; the girl wasn't evil, she'd feel bad. That Madison didn't really care about that anymore was neither here nor there.

'I… I didn't know,' Brian stammered.

'Why would you?' Madison lifted her eyes to look at him and felt a twist of anger deep inside her; it was as though they'd wanted her to announce her brother was seriously ill as soon as she'd walked in that morning, as though it defined her. 'Until today, did any of you even know my name?' They all squirmed uncomfortably under her too-honest accusation, Claire doubly so. Four years they'd spent together, brushing up against each other in corridors and sitting through the same tedious study hall sessions, and they'd barely acknowledged her existence. It was rare it bothered her this much.

'So… is he having treatment or…?' Claire asked. The 'or' triggered Madison's anger again.

'He's not dying!'

'I don't think she meant it like that,' Andrew said kindly, shooting Claire a look. 'She's just… asking.'

Madison bit her lip, knowing she'd acted out of turn. This wasn't how she'd ever imagined Claire Standish finding out about Zach and it was thoughtless of her to think she wouldn't care; Claire was stupid and could be a bit of a bitch, but she wasn't outright nasty. Not for the first time, she wondered how differently life could have turned out if Zach hadn't got sick. Perhaps her mom would have been able to work their way off of the trailer park by now. Maybe Madison herself wouldn't be the invisible girl at school; maybe, just maybe, she and Claire would be friends again. It seemed unlikely, but she knew more than most people that life turned on a dime.

'He needs a bone marrow transplant,' she explained now, carefully avoiding looking at anybody again. 'He's needed one for a while and he's at the top of the waiting list now. My mom and I aren't compatible donors and my dad… well…' She shrugged. 'He's been in hospital a couple of weeks this time. They're hoping they can clear the cancer cells he's got so he can have the transplant.' It was as though she'd suddenly unstoppered all the words she'd hidden away for years. 'I try to see him on Sundays cause the rest of the week I'm at school or work. Mom visits him every day, sometimes stays overnight.' To her shame, she felt a tear roll down her cheek and hastily wiped it away with the cuff of her sweater, hiding her face behind her long hair.

'That must be… hard.' Brian then hastily added, 'That is… I mean…'

And Madison couldn't stand the sympathy any longer. Without another word, she scrambled to her feet and headed back to the detention tables, unable to believe what she'd done. School and work had always been an escape from home, and here she was letting the two collide spectacularly. She'd spent five years carefully compartmentalising her life, refusing her mom's offers to speak to her teachers when she flunked an assignment because Zach had been taken into hospital the night before, never inviting anybody back from school to their trailer. Things suddenly seemed horribly out of Madison's control.


	4. Chapter 4

Some time later the others joined her, sitting in a line along the railings. Resolutely keeping her head down and buried in her book, Madison promised herself she wouldn't look up. Anyway, she knew without looking that they were one down again; Bender had obviously returned to wherever it was Vernon had taken him. The library suddenly seemed smaller.

The sheet of paper still sat, blank, in front of her. With less than an hour left before they were due to be released for the day, she supposed she ought to get on with the essay, though she was no nearer knowing what to write now than she had been at seven this morning. Indeed, this morning she could at least have claimed she was a nobody, nothing, invisible. Now she wasn't so sure; she had a feeling at least five members of the student body would remember her, if only as the crazy girl with the sick brother. She'd worked so hard to be more than that.

'Brian?' Claire asked at length.

'Yeah?'

'Are you going to write your paper?'

'Yeah, why?'

'Well, it's kind of a waste for all of us to write our paper, don't you think?'

Madison glanced over the top of her book, recognising the tone of voice. It was the one which had led to her doing more than her fair share of paired projects in fifth and sixth grade.

'Oh, but that's what Vernon wants us to do…'

'True, but I think we'd all kind of say the same thing.'

The penny finally dropped for Brian. 'You just don't want to write your paper, right?'

Claire at least had the good grace to smile. 'True, but, you're the smartest, right?'

Madison rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe somebody as smart as Brian was would fall for such blatant flattery and bribery. Bender would have totally called her out on that one. She missed him.

'Oh well…' Brian was saying now, and then suddenly, 'Madison's the one who writes essays.'

She jerked her head up and looked at the four of them lined up along the railings. Allison and Andrew gave small smiles at her surprise, whilst Brian was looking at her eagerly now. Claire shifted awkwardly and gave a vague hesitant nod.

'Oh. Well, you could help, Madison, if you want.'

_Gee, thanks_, she thought, but merely gave an undecided half-shrug, half-nod. Despite herself and her promises to avoid spending any more time in conversation with these people, a joint essay had some appeal. It would certainly be preferable to trying to plough through one-thousand words herself.

'We trust you,' Claire said, completely sealing the deal for Brian who only needed agreement from Andrew before he fully agreed, leaving Claire to whisk Allison away for God alone knew what.

Brian slid into the chair next to her. 'So, erm, what do you think we should do?'

She shrugged. If she'd known what to do, she'd have done it hours ago and saved herself this drama.

'I mean, who do we think we are?' He seemed to be thinking aloud and so Madison didn't reply. Then, as the minutes dragged on and nobody was saying anything she ventured,

'Like he cares. What we think, I mean. He's already made his mind up about us.'

'How do you mean?' Andrew looked over from where he was.

'Like, he's already got a picture of us in our heads and what we're capable of.' Madison fixed the jock with a fierce stare. 'Like today, with Claire and you,' she gestured to Brian. 'You didn't get detentions when you pissed him off because of who you are. You're not troublemakers. But John and me…' She shrugged again.

Andrew nodded slowly. 'Then maybe that's what we give him. What he wants to hear. Think you can do that?' He looked between Brian and Madison.

Brian gave a thoughtful frown and then nodded. 'Yeah. I've got an idea. If that's alright?' he checked with Madison.

For once, she was glad to offer the assignment up to somebody else. 'Go for it.'

Brian scribbled away furiously for the next fifteen minutes. Madison sat back, her book abandoned, and watched as Allison emerged from Claire's beauty salon, her eyes freed from their dark make-up and her hair pulled back off of her face. She looked beautiful and Madison didn't blame either of the boys for their awestruck looks. She felt like punching the air as it seemed that, for once, the underdog had won as she captured Andrew's complete attention.

Then she noticed that Claire had disappeared without a word to anybody. The good girl went bad. Madison didn't need to ask anybody where she'd gone – it was all too obvious, and she bit her lip even harder as she tried to pretend that she wasn't interested anyway. She had shared less than ten minutes conversation in total with John Bender. She could care less who he was intending to nail next, even if it was Claire. Hey, maybe he'd cure her of her obsession.

At length, Brian pushed his sheet of paper underneath her nose. 'What do you think?'

Madison read it through. 'It's not a thousand words,' she remarked. It was barely skimming one hundred by her reckoning.

'I know. Should I… add something?'

She lifted her head from the sheet of paper and looked Brian directly in the eye. Shaking her head, she said, 'It's really good. Like, brilliant. It says everything it needs to.'

Brian practically beamed. 'You're sure?'

She nodded.

'You done?' Andrew dragged himself away from Allison's eyes long enough for the two of them to lean over and look at the essay. He grinned. 'That's awesome.'

'Really good,' Allison agreed.

Madison bit her lip before blurting out, 'You included me.'

'Well, yeah. It's your essay too.' Brian shrugged, his ears going slightly pink.

'No one ever does that.'

'Maybe cause you never let anybody,' Allison said, giving her a meaningful look. Madison had already worked out that she liked the basket case. For the first time in a very long time, she found herself hoping that Monday would be different.

Leaving the detention that afternoon things definitely felt like they'd changed. They'd walked in that morning by themselves, virtual strangers. Now they were leaving as… something else. What that something else was, Madison was still unsure. Allison and Andrew kissed before they said goodbye. Claire gave Bender one of her diamond earrings which he placed inside his ear. It would all be beautifully neat, Madison thought, if she and Brian were to pair off as well. That wasn't happening though. Madison Lawrence had let down more barriers than she'd really wanted to today; no more were collapsing in the near future.

Turning away from the school, trying to forget that the whole process would be repeated for the next five Saturdays, she began the hour's walk back home.

_Dear Mr. Vernon. We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did _was_ wrong, but we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain and an athlete and a basket case, a princess, invisible and a criminal Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club._

* * *

'Hey delinquent.' Madison broke into an unwilling smile. Her brother had always had the ability to embarrass her in public, often using his diagnosis as a weapon of choice. Now he was hollering at her across the day room and making everybody turn and stare. 'What's life on the inside like?'

'It was one detention, Zach!' she rolled her eyes. 'It was hardly USP Marion.'

'You know, when Mom said you'd skipped school, I thought you might finally be having some fun. Empty trailer during the day, hint hint.'

'You know, Mom would be horrified if she really knew the depraved thoughts that went through your mind.'

'But then she said you went to _work_. I mean, Jesus, Mads, what is that all about?'

'It was paid overtime.'

'And you've not even bought yourself some decent shoes with the money.' Zach rolled his eyes, too large in his thin face. 'Those sneakers are gonna walk out of here by themselves one day.'

Madison sat down in the chair next to him. 'I was going to ask how you were feeling but it doesn't really seem necessary now. Mom said you weren't great yesterday.'

Zach shrugged and changed the subject. Talking about his illness was something he tried to keep to a minimum, and Madison usually let him. If she'd fought against becoming the girl whose brother had cancer, he'd fought fifteen times as hard against being the boy with cancer. Laura was usually the only person who got real answers out him about how he was feeling. Madison received jokes, stories and mild insults instead. It was depressing that even her kid brother who had spent more time in hospital than in school felt her social life was less than desirable.

'Okay, so, you see that girl over there?' He dropped his voice to whisper. 'No, don't turn and look!'

'Well I can't see her if she's behind me,' Madison pointed out.

'You'll see when you go. Honestly, anybody would think I was the girl here.' He shook his head in despair. 'Anyway. She's totally been giving me the eye.'

'Really?'

'Really. Watch this space, sis.'

From anybody else in his position, Zach's insistence upon his status as a player would have seemed pathetic. In his case though, it was partially true. He had always been the good-looking one, Madison mused, remembering how she'd hated it as a child when strangers had cooed over his large dark eyes, long eyelashes and skin which turned a beautiful golden colour as soon as the merest hint of sun appeared. It seemed unfair that he had charm and charisma and a wicked sense of humour as well, but then, as they both knew only too well, life was unfair. It would, however, have been especially churlish for Madison to have envied her sick brother's love life. He had always had girls chasing round after him, even when his hair had all fallen out on his first round of chemo. Even now, his skin pale from a combination of the Chicago winter and too much time spent in the hospital, his hair in the buzzcut he'd appropriated ever since his second bout of chemo when he was eleven, his smile would catch anybody's eye. If he thought the girl was checking him out, she probably was.

'What happened to Amber?' she said, asking after the last girl he'd been more than friends with. Quite what they'd got up to, she'd never really liked to ask, and unusually for Zach, he'd been quite reticent. She'd thought he actually quite liked his fellow patient.

'She went home. Remission.'

'Oh wow. That's great.'

'Yeah.' He fiddled with the IV line in his arm which he knew she hated. He didn't sound thrilled.

'Well, you can still see her,' Madison said. 'You know, she could come visit or you could go see her or…'

'Yeah, she'd love our place. Or spending yet more time here.' Zach's face turned uncharacteristically stormy. 'She didn't even leave me a phone number.'

'Oh.' Madison fell silent again, unable to come up with a response to that.

'What about you? Got a date for prom yet?'

'It's not till June.'

'Mads, you really think you'll be able to pick a date up on May 31st?'

'Who says I want a date?'

'You want to go alone to prom?'

'I might not even go.' Madison rolled her eyes. 'God, Zach, who made you my mom?'

'Considering our own dear mother would probably let you curl up in bed every night from now till your 80th birthday, I figured somebody needed to sort you out.' Zach sighed. 'Madison, you can't not go to senior prom.'

'Why?' It was an argument they'd been having pretty much since senior year started. Senior prom was Madison's idea of hell for so many reasons. She never wore dresses or heels and she only danced when she was home alone. Being invisible meant she'd probably avoid anybody turning and staring at her, but she wondered if that wasn't potentially worse; being completely ignored at prom was almost certainly one of the most mortifying social experiences known to man.

So far Zach had failed to convince her otherwise. But today, he played a blinder.

'Because Mom really wants you to and so do I. Cause I might not get to.'

Madison felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. It was the closest he'd come to alluding to his illness in months. Zach was the one who was always so cheerful and positive. This was out of character.

'Don't be stupid,' she tried now.

'I'm not. It's true. I might not. Even if…' he tailed off, still unable to fully accept that his own mortality was distant possibility. 'It's not like I've been to school for ages. I'll probably skip high school altogether.'

'Lucky for you.' John Bender's words came back to haunt her as she knew she was using them as inappropriately as he had.

'Yeah, real lucky.' Zach gestured around himself, with a wry grin on his face. 'I'm sure you'd trade me any time, right, sis?'

Madison pulled a face. 'I didn't mean that. You're just not normally like this.'

'Oh, I'm sorry, the Cancer Kid's having a bad day.' Zach had clearly disgusted himself with his last words as they both fell silent for a time. Madison resisted the urge to glance at her watch; she ordinarily spent all day Sunday here for as long as they could convince the nurses to let her. Right now, she was wondering if it was too early to leave.

'They've started searching out of state for bone marrow,' he said eventually, his voice much smaller and quieter. He avoided looking at her as he spoke.

'Mom said.'

He nodded and then fell silent again. Madison wasn't expecting a great outpouring of anxiety and emotion. She suspected that Laura had had all of that yesterday; she'd certainly looked exhausted enough, so tired that Madison hadn't had the heart to tell her about her extra detentions. Whilst her mom might act like nothing her kids did could shock her, the disappointment at Madison's clocking up more sanctions would undoubtedly upset her. Zach was the troublesome child, even before he got sick; Madison was always the easy one. She'd tried her best to live up to that label.

The visit picked up after that, as Zach fell into his usual habits of sharing whispered gossip about fellow patients and staff. Madison was certain some of them couldn't be true as she couldn't imagine how her brother had become privy to such information, but they were told entertainingly and so well that they were almost plausible. Mr Anderson would have been impressed.

It was only when she was about to leave, having ignored the gentle requests four times and now being shot daggers by at least two nurses, that she broached the topic of her detentions.

'I… might not get to see you much in the next couple of weeks.'

Walking down the corridor beside her, his IV drip rolling along next to him, Zach snorted. 'Let me guess. Work?'

'Sort of.' Then, in a rush, she explained, 'I've got detentions for the next five Saturdays.

Zach stopped abruptly and turned to look at her. 'What?'

She wrinkled up her nose. 'Yeah. And if I miss work that often they'll definitely fire me but if I give them Sundays… Sorry.'

'That's… alright.' Zach blinked. 'You… got _five_ detentions? What did you do, set fire to the place? My God, is my sister actually becoming _fun_?'

She smiled. 'I was reading a book and I shouldn't have been.'

'Wow. Rock and roll.' Zach deadpanned but then grinned again. '_Five_ detentions? That's insane!'

'I know.'

'Mom is gonna _freak_. Well, you know, without _actually_ freaking.' Zach shook his head. 'You never said, anyway, how was it yesterday?'

'Good.' When he fixed her with a doubtful look, she added, 'Well, you know, not _good_. It was detention. It was… fine. Boring.' She shrugged for good measure. 'You know.'

He gave her a funny look, one eyebrow raised sceptically. 'Actually, I don't, but never mind. What happened yesterday?'

_Nothing. Something. Everything_. Madison had no idea how to answer that question. Finally she blurted out something she didn't even think was that important. 'Claire Standish was there.'

It took Zach a couple of seconds, his brow furrowed. 'Claire… our old next door neighbour? The red-head?' Madison nodded. 'You've not mentioned her in years.'

'I know.' She bit her lip, unsure why she'd mentioned it now.

Zach seemed about to say something and she dreaded it. Then absolution came.

'Madison, Zach, visiting hours finished over fifteen minutes ago.' The sister on the ward chided them. 'Your mom will wonder where you've got to.'

Madison escaped without her brother's comment on the situation, though if she knew Zach, it would be the conversational opener the next time she visited. That already seemed so far away that it was untrue. Setting out into the Chicago night, she tried to keep her mind off of that and off of school the next morning. She wondered if the Breakfast Club was a one-time thing.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks for the follows and reviews. More are always welcomed! We now move onto the week after detention. I'm a few thousand words from completing this story now and it continues to be a joy - I'm half tempted to write a sequel but expect I'd lose interest!_

* * *

'I'll be late tonight,' Laura informed Madison the next morning as she dropped her off at school. 'I'm going to try and fit in a couple of appointments after visiting Zach.'

Madison nodded. Her mom's mobile hairdressing business gave her the flexibility to fit work around Zach's visiting hours. Some customers disliked the unpredictability but those who did stay loyal were rewarded with some of Laura's best work. Madison's own hair was a very poor advert for her mother's capabilities.

'Shall I tell him he won't be seeing you until he's thirty?' It was the closest her mom would ever come to a barbed comment about Madison's detention revelation last night.

'I already told him.

'Of course you did.' Laura rolled her eyes and then smiled. 'I suppose I should be grateful. Two teenage children and I know exactly where they are every Saturday. Most mothers would be delighted.'

Madison gave her a small smile.

'So no more reading in the library, you hear me?' Laura grinned wickedly before giving her daughter a fond push towards the door. 'Go on, you'll be late. Be good.'

Madison slipped out of the truck and walked towards the front steps. It was so much busier this morning than it had been on Saturday and she remembered how strange it had felt. Now the crowds and noise seemed the strange part of it and her stomach tensed up. It wasn't until this moment that she'd really known how much she wanted things to be different, how much she wanted Saturday to have been real. With every step, it seemed less likely and she was preparing for her usual day of loneliness when she heard somebody calling her name from behind her.

'Madison! Hey, Madison! Wait up!' Shouldering his way through the crowds in the hallway came Andrew. To all intents and purposes he looked the same as ever, with his regulation jock uniform all present and correct. The only thing different was the person who came in his wake, her eyeliner back although toned down. Allison gave Madison a wave as they came ever closer.

'How was your weekend?' Andrew asked now.

Madison was at a loss for words at first. She wasn't sure quite how to describe her weekend. Every other kid she knew went to parties or hung out at the movies or did something other than sit in with a book. Then she remembered everything she'd shared with them and acted out of character.

'I spent yesterday with my brother.'

And just like that, both of their faces fell. In seconds, they'd gone from effervescing to looking as though they'd rather be anywhere than next to her. Madison wished she'd stuck to her guns and gone with a nod and a non-committal answer. Being honest had simply landed her with pity, the very last thing she wanted.

'Oh. Is he… okay?' Andrew asked, his social upbringing leaving him completely unprepared for this sort of situation. It wasn't his fault but Madison blamed him anyway.

'Fine.' She fell back on old habits and nodded. 'I've got to run actually. Can't be late to homeroom.'

'Oh yeah sure.' They made no effort to stop her as she turned and walked away from them. By the time she got to homeroom she'd rearranged her face and she buried herself away in her usual corner, wishing Saturday had never happened. Being invisible suddenly seemed more desirable than ever.

As the day rolled on, it became increasingly clear that being invisible was something none of the Breakfast Club could count on anymore. Everywhere she went that day, she heard whispered conversations, names which she had to fight against acknowledging.

'Claire Standish…'

'… and John Bender!'

'Andrew Clark….'

'… and that weird kid, Allison somebody.'

'Together? Shut up!'

'No! Seriously!'

She'd seen Andrew and Allison that morning, and from the rumours, it seemed that Claire and John were equally as together. Brian's name cropped up less frequently, merely as a decoration to the whole story. However by fifth period, Madison had yet to hear her own name in connection with the whole debacle and she hoped it would stay that way. She expected nobody would be able to match up her name and her face anyway. It was looking promising that she'd make it through the day and escape back to her home where she could slip back into the life she'd always had. She couldn't wait.

Fifth period was English. What she needed to do was to give Mr Anderson his book back and ask for another recommendation. Mondays were usually when they did a changeover. She hoped there'd be an opportunity after everybody else had scrambled their way out to lunch. It was all so close.

'Oh, hi Madison.' She looked up from her notebook in surprise that somebody had actually used her name. It was obvious who it was; half a year in and not a single person had called her that in class. Until now. There was only one person it could have been.

'Hey.' She greeted Brian reluctantly, aware that everybody around her had jerked away from their own conversations to stare at them.

'How are you?'

'Fine.' She nodded. Then she looked past him at where Mr Anderson had just arrived, shooting the two of them a slightly bemused look; even her English teacher had noted she never usually spoke to anybody. Great. 'You better go sit down, Brian.' She felt more than saw his face fall and hated herself, even as she knew that any other option was futile. He'd thank her in the long run.

Yet Madison couldn't get her mind off of him. Or the others for that matter. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she knew virtually nothing of what went on in that class, and she hated it. A couple of times she tried to make some half-hearted notes as the class discussed _Of Mice and Men_, but for the most part she sat, gazing down at her lined paper and wishing today was over. Tomorrow everybody would have forgotten her again, tomorrow she could ignore Andrew and Allison and Brian and Claire and… him… without feeling bad about it. Tomorrow seemed a long way away.

The bell rang and Madison was one of the first out of the door, joining in the rush to escape. If Mr Anderson was surprised, he said nothing; he at least understood her need to remain unnoticed.

'Madeline?'

Madison turned around to find a couple of girls standing right behind her. Cheerleaders. Talking to her. Sort of. It might be the wrong name, but they were definitely talking to her.

'Yeah?' She shook her hair back off of her face, unwilling to appear nervous in the face of the enemy. She had a suspicion they might be like dogs.

'Is it true?'

She pulled a face, shrugging. The spokescheerperson rolled her eyes as though speaking to Madison was some ridiculous chore. _You started it_, Madison thought.

'Claire Standish and that moron. You were there on Saturday, weren't you? Did they really… _do it_… in the library?'

She thought about saying yes, just to see their faces. It would certainly fix Claire and might even be amusing for half a second. She could do with a laugh. Then she thought about how hideous it would be for a rumour like that to be spread about her. If she began playing this game, who knew where it would stop?

'No.'

'No?' The two of them looked as though all of the air had gone out of them.

'No,' she confirmed.

With a toss of their ponytails, they were gone, and Madison slumped back against her locker. Today needed to end, fast. If she wasn't already signed up for the next five Saturdays, she'd almost have considered it a worthwhile trade-off for skipping the rest of the day. As it was, she'd have to deal with it. Only three hours to go.

* * *

Gym class. It was probably the most fitting end to a really crappy day and a part of Madison sort of relished it; at least it matched her general mood. She got dressed in her gym kit, tying her hair back off of her face in a ponytail which would never match the cheerleaders in bounciness. Just one hour left until she could escape.

The choice of activity was equally as depressing: volleyball. Madison disliked most sports, with only track appealing on any level to her; the loneliness of the long distance runner rather suited her. Volleyball, or indeed any game involving a ball, didn't play to her strengths: she was useless in teams, had no hand-eye-coordination and tended to turn and run when things were thrown towards her. She groaned inwardly and settled herself to be the last person picked as usual. She suspected that it was partly due to her previous performances and partly because it would involve somebody actually knowing her name. The cheerleaders earlier had taken a risk not many people did.

'Madison.'

It took a second for her to react. It sounded so wrong in this context. Then she realised everybody had looked around and, having ticked everybody else off on their mental lists, their eyes had come to rest on her.

She looked up and saw Claire standing as team captain. Alone. Of course. Naturally.

There was no way to escape this. Even if she faked stomach cramps and disappeared to the bathroom, everybody would still remember this moment, when they actually noticed this girl for the first time. Being connected to Claire Standish was perhaps one of the worst ways of blowing her cover on this day of all days. Reluctantly, she got to her feet and walked slowly as the next captain made her pick, a much sportier and more appropriate first choice.

The teams complete, they made their way to the volleyball courts. One bonus of the sport was that they had to sit around waiting for a court to be free for much of the session. Ordinarily Madison would sit by herself and while away the time. Not today.

'Hey.' Claire sat down next to her. 'How are you?'

'I'm fine. You?'

'Today's been very…' Claire rolled her eyes and gave a grimace. 'You know.'

Madison did sort of know; today had indeed been very. In a way, they were in the same boat, both thrown into the limelight quite against their will. For girls like Claire, being invisible meant being part of a homogenised crowd and not stepping out of line with that. People were allowed, nay, encouraged to look at you and take an interest; they just weren't supposed to find anything negative to say. Today had forced Claire out of that comfort zone.

She'd chosen that, though. Madison found it impossible to feel much pity for the Princess. Claire had chosen to go after John, chosen to make it all so public. Madison hadn't. Which made it all very different.

'So… how was your weekend?'

It was more than Claire had said to her in years and was clearly costing her dear. But the memory of how Andrew and Allison had looked at her that morning resurfaced. It was time to fake those cramps.

* * *

Despite spending the rest of the afternoon in the nurse's bay, she was still cornered by three more students and asked whether John Bender had really bitten the head off a duck or Brian Johnson had come out of the closet and declared his love for Andrew Clark. It was all getting out of hand and the final bell couldn't come soon enough. Shermer High was in danger of boiling over completely.

She pulled her hat down over her ears as she left the school, preparing for the long walk home. It was at least some exercise, she figured, which would more than replace the exertions she'd missed in gym. Usually she lurked around the back of the volleyball court and hoped everyone would be too pathetic to get the ball that far. At least walking had a purpose.

As she walked, she ran through the work she needed to do that evening. There was some chemistry and math homework, and she still hadn't started the extra-credit English assignment. Again, she cursed Brian for making staying behind at the end of the lesson an impossibility. She was all out of books as well.

'Hey Twinkie.'

Madison pulled herself up short one step before colliding with John Bender. Where he'd come from, she had no idea, but he was blocking her path now. Facing up into those disconcertingly dark eyes, she noted the mocking smile on his lips and the last words he'd directed at her on Saturday. _She cut the crusts off your sandwiches for you?_

'My name's Madison.'

'But people call you Madeline, right?'

How could he possibly know about that? It threw her momentarily as she wondered why she'd let that happen. In John's mouth, it sounded so stupid, allowing people to get your name wrong and not even trying to correct them. It was like disrespecting yourself.

Unable to think of an adequate response, she decided to act with her feet instead. She sidestepped him and continued on her way.

'Oh, so now you're blowing me off too? Nice to know I'm not being left out.'

The sensible Madison would have walked on. The sensible Madison would be thinking about her assignments and how she was already short enough on time over the next few weeks. She'd ignore him. Madison really missed the sensible Madison; she'd been in short supply over the last couple of days.

Turning round, her hair whipping out behind her, she snapped, 'I've not blown anybody off!'

'Not what I've heard.'

'Then you heard wrong!'

'Like Cheerydee and Cheerydum heard your name wrong?' He gave her that same self-satisfied smirk when she didn't respond immediately. Damn, he was good. He made Zach look like merely an apprentice to his conversational wizardry.

After trying and failing to find a cutting reply, she shook her head. 'It's nothing to do with you anyway. Any of you. I didn't ask to be your friend.'

'Good, cause you're making a shit one so far.'

'Why do you care? Don't tell me you're buying into this Breakfast Club crap?' Being part of a club wasn't his thing, he'd said as much on Saturday. Then again, he'd acted as though he hated Claire on Saturday and judging by the rumours, he was very far from hate now. A fresh wave of anger passed through her. 'I don't even know why I'm standing here talking to you.'

'Because you're buying into it too.'

She froze for an instant as his words penetrated her brain. And then she did what she always did. She walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

Subterfuge was something Madison had never had to practice. With a mother like hers, trying to hide anything was pointless. Not only would Laura know with one look that her daughter had done something wrong, she'd likely be able to identify the crime, location and victim without drawing a single breath. Besides, Madison had always been afforded so much freedom that it seemed no misdemeanour would ever have been too awful for Laura not to know. Whilst Madison had never exactly told her mom about the Chris-Thing, it was obvious that she knew and had simply chosen not to ask. There weren't many mothers of fourteen-year-old girls who would have turned a blind eye to their sleeping with the boy next door. In the face of that, lying about anything seemed a waste of time.

Yet as the week went on and the gossip and rumours about last Saturday's detention only grew instead of fading away, she wished she'd learned how to stay out of people's way. It seemed everywhere she went she was met with fresh whispers and comments, all becoming increasingly unsavoury. By Friday, she was making fleeting appearances in the stories, albeit usually as a supporting rather than a leading role; she probably wouldn't make the poster of the movie.

About the only people she was managing to avoid were the Breakfast Club themselves. It seemed her actions on Monday had made all of them back off, even John, something which was only serving to fuel the rumours even further. The only thing which people were more agape out than the five others sitting down in the cafeteria together was Madison deliberately walking away. She'd heard one whisper which claimed that she'd been at the centre of some ridiculous orgy in the library that day and was pregnant but didn't know who the father was. It was so ludicrous that she almost laughed but then didn't feel much like laughing by herself.

Zach had picked up another infection. Madison had no idea how that happened in a hospital when everything around him was supposed to be sterile. Given the amount it was costing her mom's medical insurance to have him staying there, you'd have thought they could do a better job of looking after him. As it was, he wasn't especially ill but was thoroughly bored, something which always made him grumpy and frankly quite nasty and spiteful. Madison knew her mom didn't tell her this to make her feel guilty for missing visiting him this weekend, but she felt it anyway. Seeing her little brother might actually make this week worthwhile.

Instead, here she was again this Saturday morning, staring out at the car park and wishing she was anywhere else. Somehow she was dreading it more today, knowing what – and who - was waiting for her inside the building.

'Mads, you'll be late,' Laura said as her daughter's hand hesitated on the door handle. There was a pause before she said again, 'Madison-'

'I'm going!' Madison snapped and then turned to look at her mother, her face aghast. 'I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't mean…'

'It's alright.' Laura frowned suddenly. 'Is something wrong, honey? You've… you've not been yourself this week. You know you can tell me anything, right?'

'It's… fine, Mom. I'm fine.' She forced a smile. 'It's just… stuff and… being here today…' She gestured vaguely.

Laura nodded slowly. Then she said, 'Zach said Claire Standish was in detention last week.'

_Of course he had_. Madison could sometimes have throttled her little brother. Even if he didn't remember Claire very well, he knew Madison well enough to know she'd been behaving oddly last Sunday. Of course he'd told Laura.

'What had she done? It doesn't sound very much like the Claire I remember. Mind you, I wouldn't have had you down as a six-Saturday-detentions sort of girl,' Laura teased.

'She skipped class.'

'How strange. You two were always so like each other.' Laura hesitated before adding, 'You haven't mentioned her in years.'

'We're only in gym together.'

'You used to spend all your time together.' A pause. 'Honey, I know it was a long time ago but… I never really understood what happened between you two. You were so close.'

Madison forced her tongue into the roof of her mouth, suddenly afraid she'd cry. It had been a very long time since she'd cried in front of her mom and she wasn't going to break that habit right now, especially not for Claire Standish. All of that was the history now, dead and buried and she wasn't digging it up for anybody. It was this sort of thing she'd avoided and which had made her so keen to stay out the way of the Breakfast Club all week.

'We just… grew apart,' she lied now. 'Honestly, Mom I'm fine. You don't need to worry. I better go.'

She escaped from her mother's concern into the Chicago morning, her tears vanishing in the shock of the cold air. Not for the first time recently, she wished it was already June and she was out of this place for good, or September and she was safely ensconced at college. Escaping Chicago altogether was looking more and more attractive.

There were two other students in the library when she walked in, neither of whom she knew. She could guess from the way one of them was studiously avoiding looking at anyone that he was a freshman, too anxious about offending the wrong person to risk raising his head from the desk; the other was a girl with pink hair and clothes which even Allison would have turned her nose up at. Chewing gum furiously, her eyes locked onto Madison as soon as she walked in the room and stayed there as she took her seat.

'Hey, aren't you…?' Pink Hair began before the door crashed open making even Freshman look up and John Bender made yet another grand entrance. Madison ducked her head and avoided looking at him. She couldn't help being aware of his very presence though.

'So… another Saturday.' Vernon stood in front of them, looking them over with the disdain Madison had become used to. Try as she might, however, she was unable to tune him out this time. 'Another day when it is my job to correct your mistakes. To make you suitable citizens to grace the streets of this fine nation.' Having walked up and down in front of them, he suddenly came to a stop and slammed his hand down upon Freshman's desk. Freshman almost took off. 'Some job.'

'It is now seven-oh-seven. You have exactly eight hours and fifty-three minutes to think about why you are here. To ponder the error of your ways.'

Madison could hardly believe what she was hearing and in her surprise she found herself glancing across at John, to find him mouthing along with the vice-principal's next words.

'You may not talk. You will not move from these seats. You will not sleep,' he said, pointing at John, before turning to Madison. 'And you, missy, will not read.' As he turned his back and walked back down the aisle, John raised his eyebrows at Madison. She ducked her head again, unwilling to be involved in this conspiracy. She didn't need to be in any more trouble.

'We are going to write an essay – of no less than a thousand words – describing to me who you think you are. And when I say essay, I mean essay. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear Mr Bender?'

Playing his part to perfection, John replied, 'Crystal.' If it weren't for the fact he were wearing a different shirt and the other four were absent, Madison would have sworn it was last Saturday.

'Good. Maybe you'll learn something about yourself. Maybe you'll even decide whether or not you care to return.' He pointed at Pink Hair. 'My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions?'

Like clockwork, John said, 'Yeah, I got a question.' When Vernon lifted his gaze to his, he said, 'Would you like the same essay as last week?'

Madison lifted her head again, intrigued to hear the answer. She'd been surprised all week that their stunt hadn't been addressed by Vernon or even the principal. They had wilfully disobeyed his instructions and it seemed they had got away with it. Now Bender was drawing Vernon's attention to it and she was suddenly anxious; she didn't need yet another detention. This week she'd do it right, even if she had to lie on her essay.

Vernon walked down the aisle towards Bender. 'The essay you wrote last week, Mr Bender, was one of the most worthless pieces of trash I have ever come across. I certainly hope you will out-do yourself this week.' He turned to the rest of them. 'Right across the hallway. Don't forget.'

He swept out as dramatically as he'd entered, leaving the four of them alone. Madison stared at the door long after he'd gone, her mind ticking over what he'd said, imagining how he must have crumpled up Brian's carefully written essay without ever looking at it. Suddenly she wished she'd copied it and tucked it inside her notebook to look at in the future, remembering one afternoon when she'd felt things change for the better. That it had been treated with such disrespect by Vernon only hardened her heart against him further. The man was beyond contempt.

Pink Hair suddenly turned around in her seat. 'Oh my God, this is crazy, right?' She didn't wait for a reply. 'Like, an essay? On who we think we are? Shit.' She chewed her gum even more furiously as Madison stared at her, bemused, wondering why this girl was talking to her. Did she not know that she was invisible? Nobody usually began conversations with her like this.

Still Pink Hair rambled on. 'I mean, like, what is the point of this? My dad said I had to totally come and pay my debt to society because of… I don't know… some sort of community spirit or something, but this? I'm totally into blowing this off, right?' She turned to John then, apparently aware of his reputation as a rebel. 'What do you say?'

His eyes flickered over her in some form of disgusted interest. 'Can I help you?'

Such a withering stare would have cowed Madison instantly, but Pink Hair was either brave enough or stupid enough to feel no fear in the face of John Bender. With an imperious toss of her hair, she turned back to Madison who continued staring at her with her mouth slightly agape, still unable to reply with any semblance of coherence.

'So you've both been here before, right? Last week? What happened, I heard all kinds of crazy shit went down!' Her eyes sparkled with excitement. This was probably the equivalent of meeting a rock star at the shopping mall. Madison could only imagine what stories she'd heard and the tales she'd pass on to her friends come Monday at school. Why did the earth never open up and swallow her when she wanted it to.

'Like, I know the chicken story is _totally_ untrue,' the girl continued. 'And I'm guessing the orgy thing is too… right? But the other stuff. Like… did Brian Johnson really come out?'

'Erm… Mr Vernon said we shouldn't talk…' Freshman put in now, his voice as full of anxiety as Brian's had been last week. Madison prayed that John would be kind. She didn't want to have to step in and protect anybody.

'Chill out, his office is over the hallway.' Pink Hair rolled her eyes as though she was in this detention every week. 'What's your name anyway?'

Madison missed his reply as there was suddenly a hiss from behind her. 'Hey Twinkie. Might want to close the mouth or maybe someone will put something in it.' She shot John a disgusted look but resolutely snapped her jaw shut before slumping down in her chair and wishing today could move faster than it was so far.

Pink Hair continued talking at Freshman, at Madison, at John, at thin air. It was a constant jabbering which Madison found herself partially able to tune out, pleased she still had at least some of that skill at her disposal. It would make the day so much easier. If this girl's ramblings were the worst she'd have to suffer then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. At least it wasn't Claire.

'Hey Candy.' John's voice put a stop to Pink Hair's ramblings.

She turned to him and blinked, her mascared eyes almost sticking together. 'My name's Sherrie.'

John didn't even miss a beat. 'So Candy. Is your verbal incontinence a stress issue or a genetic one?'

'I'm just talking.'

'Yeah. And I'd prefer it if you stopped.'

'Who died and made you king of the detention?' Madison had to admire Sherrie's pluck. Clearly a battle of wits with John Bender would buy her even more kudos on Monday.

'Honey, I've been doing these detentions since before you discovered that black shit round your eyes. So do me a favour, yeah?'

'There's no need to get personal!'

'Er, maybe you should just do as he says.' Freshman ventured to turn around in his seat and Madison cringed. There was no way John wouldn't notice him now. 'We should probably just get on with our essays.'

It was like a red rag to a bull. In two strides, John was out of his seat and had scooped up the boy's essay without a second word. He proceeded to read it aloud whilst Madison ground her teeth together and wished it was all over.

'"Joseph Lowerhausen. Who I Think I Am."' He lifted his eyebrows. 'Are all the capital letters necessary?' He continued before Joseph could reply. '"I think I could best be described as a hard-working thoughtful individual." Very nice. This, Joseph, is a very good opening sentence.'

'Thank… you.' Joseph seemed bemused by the sudden attention.

'It goes on,' John informed his audience. '"I have not been at Shermer High for very long but already I feel I have made a valid contribution to student life." Very noble. "Since arriving at the school, I have been a member of several societies such as physics club", oh God, another one, "and chem club."' John lifted his head from the essay so far to give Joseph a withering look. 'For real? This is your contribution to student life? Kid. Please.'

'Well what contributions have you made?' Sherrie put in, fire and defiance in her eyes. Madison wondered if she ignored this situation it would cease to happen. Why did this keep happening? Why did people keep thinking they could ever get the better of John Bender?

'My contributions? Oh that's easy. I'm the guy you all talk about when your own pathetic meaningless lives have dried up and you need to feel a part of something. Right, Twinkie?'

Madison shot him a look and said quietly, 'This is nothing to do with me.'

'Oh yeah, cause you don't do that, do you? You don't do getting involved.'

Embarrassment made Madison's voice more urgent. 'John, don't.'

'So you do remember who I am? You do remember that I saved your ass last weekend and now you're suddenly too good to speak to me, to any of us?' John waved around at the other two students. 'Come on, you two, you must know all about her by now. Now's your chance to ask her all the questions you've been dying to know the answers to. Here's one to get the party started: why are you such a bitch?'

Madison felt tears prick her eyes, shocked at the words he was levelling at her. It was the anger behind them which startled her the most; it was almost as if he cared that she'd avoided them all week. Almost as if they'd noticed. But being called out in front of these strangers was too much.

'I haven't done anything wrong,' she insisted, her voice shaky with tears which she was determined not to shed. 'I just…'

'You just what?' John fixed her with that intense stare which had broken many a teacher.

'I just want things to go back to normal.' She met his eye with as much defiance as she could manage.

There was a pause as John gazed back at her, the disgust on his face not even vaguely disguised. Then it twisted into a cruel smile. 'Yeah, cause normal's really been working out for you so far, Twinkie, what with your runaway dad and your brother stuck in hospital.'

Fire flooded through Madison instantly, her face burning red with fury and pain. People didn't mention her family. She'd worked so hard over the years to make that a certainty. This was exactly why. It was like John had re-opened old wounds with his words, finding exactly the spot to hurt her in the very best way. Her flight reaction took a hold of her and she got to her feet, her knees trembling.

'You're a real asshole, John Bender, you know that?' she said through a throat full of sobs before she pushed the chair backwards and escaped. She found she didn't much care if Vernon found her missing when he returned to the library. There was nothing he could do to hurt her now.

* * *

When she was younger, before her father left, Madison used to hide. Whenever things upset her and she'd wanted to escape from the world, she used to find a small dark place and curl up in it. In their old house it was usually a closet or the small space between her bed and desk. Somehow, the sensation of being fully enclosed on all sides gave her a feeling of safety and security, as though nothing could harm her. From there, she'd listened to the arguments between her parents and the doors slamming, until one day it slammed shut for good and her father was gone. Since then, she'd known nothing could stop the world coming to bite you, and the trailer she now called home had few hiding places anyway. Besides, she'd found a better way of shutting the world out by ducking below most people's notice, carrying the hiding place with her everywhere and existing with a strange detachment to everything and everybody around her.

Now, though, with her blankets ripped away, she found herself craving that old feeling of enclosure. Only when she'd firmly ensconced herself in a gap between book stacks in the furthest depths of the library could she finally begin to breathe again. It was dark and gloomy in this corner of the school. She wondered if she could spend the rest of the day just here, tucked away and causing nobody any harm. It would be the best she could hope for.

Her heart had just stopped hammering in her chest when she heard the whistling. It was coming from several stacks away, faint and punctuated with heavy footsteps. As it drifted closer, she recognised the tune, could hear her father's voice singing along to the lyrics in his off-key voice: _Someone told me yesterday that when you show your love away, you act as if you just don't care. You look as if you're going somewhere._

She closed her eyes slowly and prayed to a god she wasn't sure she even believed in anymore.

'Hey Twinkie. You come here often?' The self-assured tones travelled down the book stack towards her and she was reminded how being enclosed had its downsides too: there was nowhere she could run. She let the shutters come down and refused to acknowledge his presence.

That was easier said than done though. Madison was reminded of when Zach was a toddler. Looking back now, her mom had had it hard from the very start. With only three years between them, they must have been demanding. Now, all Madison could remember was how much she'd resented the attention Zach got at times, especially when he began stealing her toys and wrecking her things. No matter how much she'd tried to ignore her little brother, there he'd been, irrepressible and intent upon taking over everything. John and Zach had more than their conversational skills in common.

At length, he broke his brooding silence. 'Look, Twinkie, if what I said upset you, I'm sorry, okay?'

Madison couldn't restrain herself from letting out a snort of disgust. It was a pathetic attempt at an apology.

John seemed to agree as he gave an exasperated sigh and slumped down on the floor across the aisle from her. 'I'm shit at apologies, okay, I don't usually bother. I don't usually feel that sorry. But I do this time.'

She didn't reply. It was too early to accept his apology and she didn't trust herself to speak for now anyway. Lashing out wasn't her style and she'd exchanged too many heated words with John Bender in the last week. Her mother would not be impressed.

They lapsed into silence. Madison fiddled with the cuffs on the sweater she was wearing. It belonged to Zach and was too big for her really but had been a useful extra layer when she left the trailer that morning. This was the most still she'd ever seen John and it surprised her how calm she felt. It wasn't a feeling she generally associated with him.

'You lose your job?'

Madison was startled into shaking her head. Then she added, 'I'm working tomorrow instead.'

He nodded slowly. 'Where'd you work?'

'A book store.'

'Wow. You must barely be able to contain your excitement.'

'Just because you don't like something, doesn't mean nobody else does.' Madison remembered she was mad with him and fell silent again. Somehow, it was impossible though. It was as though he had some strange hold over her. As though to punish him, she turned her next words against him. 'You shouldn't pick on Joseph like that.'

Complete confusion passed across his face before he said, 'Oh. Him. Yeah.'

'You forgot him?' Madison raised her eyebrows. 'That's real nice.'

'I hardly think you have the moral high-ground on this occasion.'

Madison let her hair fall back over her face, hiding her reddened cheeks. Then she said, as firmly as she could, 'I didn't forget about you. Or the others.'

'No, you were just fucking rude.'

'It's not like any of you missed me anyway! It's not like we were friends!'

He fixed her with a slow steady gaze now. She fronted it out, staring back, but gradually her eyes slipped away to the floor. At length, John got up from the floor and walked away, leaving her buried away amongst the book stacks. Alone. It had never bothered her before.

* * *

The morning wore on, and still the sheets of paper remained blank on everybody's desk except Joseph's. He'd already drafted and re-drafted his thoughts several times, his previous versions lined up neatly along the desk. There was almost something therapeutic about the scratching of his pen and the way he turned the paper over as he finished copying it out. Unable to settle to anything else, Madison idly watched his progress through the utterly pointless task. Part of her admired his dedication to the assignment. Most of her was simply pleased John had left him alone.

Indeed, John had left everybody alone. Ever since she'd returned to the tables, they'd sat more or less in the perfect silence Vernon had ineffectually demanded. Sherrie had made a few attempts to engage either Madison or John in conversation but had received little for her efforts, not even a sarcastic comment. If Madison hadn't known better, she'd have said he was sleeping. But she knew. He was watching. And waiting.

At one o'clock, Vernon sent Madison and Sherrie to fetch the drinks for everybody. It seemed that Sherrie too had noticed John's change of demeanour, barely getting out of earshot of the vice-principal before asking, 'Oh my God, what's wrong with him?'

Madison feigned ignorance and gave her a bemused look.'

'John Bender! Is he like schizophrenic or something?' It didn't seem the question required an answer. 'It's like he's two people in one body or something. What a body though! He's pretty hot, don't you think?'

Madison tried to channel Allison. When people ignored you, it was easy not to say anything. The basket case had perfected the art of avoiding speech even when directly approached. The very last conversation Madison wanted to get drawn into was one reflecting upon the relative hotness of John Bender. She didn't even want to go there.

Joseph had broken out his lunch by the time they returned, and even Sherrie seemed unable or unwilling to speak with her mouth full. Peace reigned across the library again as Madison got her cheese sandwich out of her bag and chewed it over, wishing that eating took up more brain power. Even if she hadn't been studiously avoiding getting her book out, she doubted she'd be able to concentrate upon it anyway. With nothing else for them to focus upon, her eyes traitorously drifted towards where John was still sitting, motionless, his eyes hidden by his ridiculous sunglasses. Sherrie's comments came flying back to her and she chewed more furiously, hoping to stave them off. This was precisely what she didn't need.

Then she realised something and kicked herself for not recognising it sooner. Whilst Sherrie and Joseph had been busying themselves with their own lunch, the professional detainee hadn't moved. Just like last weekend. Madison felt her stomach drop as she realised he hadn't brought any lunch. Shame made her think back to that morning when her mom had handed her the wrapped package as she stumbled out of bed; Laura had clearly already been awake for hours and had made the sandwiches so Madison wouldn't have to. Such kindness was clearly in short supply at John's house.

For several minutes she dithered and deliberated, as though she had a choice other than the one she finally made. Stirring from her seat, she picked up the remaining sandwich and gingerly placed it on John's table. It looked pathetic and she was embarrassed all over again: one small sandwich wasn't much of a peace offering. For that was what it was, she realised as she retreated to her seat again, cringing as Sherrie and even Joseph watched her. Without really being aware, she'd treated John badly, and this was all she could do right now to fix that.

There was barely a flicker from John. Perhaps he really was asleep; Madison wouldn't have blamed him. Hoping that no news was good news, she turned back to the front and prepared to while away the afternoon.

Some minutes later, something hit her arm. She started and looked down at where the brown paper ball was lying on the floor. From there, she lifted her head to look over at Bender. Though he seemed not to have moved, the sandwich had gone. There was no other response from him, but Madison liked to think that the ball hitting her arm and not her head was a good sign. He'd clearly eaten it anyway. It was a start.

* * *

The final hour of the detention approached. Madison thought this was probably the least she'd ever done without being asleep. Perhaps she had fallen asleep at some point; she'd definitely been bored enough. Now restlessness had set in for all of them though. Joseph seemed to have finally completed his essay and set it aside, falling to clicking his pen incessantly instead. Now his industry was over, Sherrie seemed concerned that she'd not yet completed her assignment and was drumming her own pen on the table. John still hadn't stirred.

Idly, Madison pondered the question again. Who was she? The way she'd described herself last weekend was no longer really true: invisible people didn't tend to get noticed the way she had been all week. But she wasn't sure who else she was. The Sister of the Kid with Cancer wasn't a viable option, yet beyond that, she had no idea what she could say. Deep down, she couldn't help blaming John for this.

Sherrie's panic set in as the minute hand crept past the half hour. She'd been quiet for far too long and Madison was just waiting for an explosion. It finally came.

'Oh my God, I have no idea what to write!' She slammed her pen down and looked at the others in terror. 'I have no idea who I am!'

Madison's lips twitched and she fought against it. Sherrie's plaintive wail echoed around the room and she glanced sideways towards John, whose own mouth was wavering. Then he gave into the shaking of his shoulders and burst out laughing. Madison wasn't far behind him.

'What?' Sherrie demanded, looking between them, her voice becoming increasingly high-pitched. 'What are you laughing at?' Neither Madison nor John was able to speak for laughing and Sherrie turned to Joseph. 'What are they laughing at?'

Madison gasped for breath as Joseph shrugged. 'No-no-nothing. Not… really. Just…' She giggled again.

'Just…' John took up the thread, his shades off now as he gave in completely to his laughter. 'Just…who does? Who does know who they are?'

'But the essay?' Sherrie looked between them again.

Madison regained some composure and decided to let Sherrie in on their secret. 'You can write whatever you like. He won't read it. He never does.' The truth of the situation made giggles rise up in her throat again and she took deep breaths to try and avoid dissolving again. This sort of outpouring of any emotion in public wasn't like her, yet she sort of liked it.

'You mean…?' Joseph suddenly turned to look at her properly, his eyes wide. 'You mean, I didn't have to…?' He gestured towards the neatly stacked papers on his desk, covered in crossings out and amendments.

It was all the excuse they needed to collapse into laughter once more.

* * *

The temperature had plummeted outside and Madison zipped her coat up with relief against the icy weather. She tried not to feel envious of Joseph and Sherrie as they tripped merrily down the steps and into their parents' waiting cars. A woolly hat and a pair of gloves wasn't quite the same, especially on the hour's walk home. Some of the mirth and humour she'd felt less than thirty minutes ago vanished as she began putting one foot in front of the other.

'Twinkie.' A few pounding footsteps later, John was at her shoulder. 'No ride?'

Madison hesitated before replying, 'No.' She hoped he wouldn't ask for details.

He didn't say anything, but instead fell into step beside her, as though it was entirely normal and natural. Initially hesitant, Madison soon came to find she quite liked not walking entirely on her own. At least it made the darkening sky marginally less threatening, even if her company was the school criminal. He'd probably make strange criminals less likely to mug her or something.

Fifteen minutes later she finally asked, 'Do you live this way?'

The question seemed to take him by surprise as he glanced at her, almost as if he'd forgotten she was there. 'What?'

She gestured around them vaguely as they still walked on. 'This your neighbourhood?'

John looked up at the large houses set back off of the road, their long front yards neatly mowed and their drives populated with cars. He raised an eyebrow at her. 'What do you reckon?'

She smiled and looked away again.

'Claire lives just round the corner.'

'I know.' The words were out before she could stop them and she wondered what had happened to her usual reticence. Volunteering information wasn't what she usually did, least of all flammable information like that. All she could hope was that John wasn't really listening.

He flashed her a quick look and seemed about to say something. Madison wasn't surprised; her luck was always pretty thin. It was best to deal with the problem head on and take control.

'Are you going to see her then?'

'What?'

She smiled, surprised and a little gratified to see him wrong-footed. 'Claire. Is that why you're walking this way?'

He didn't quite answer the question. 'We're going to some party tonight. I have to be ready, at hers, by eight.'

'You sound thrilled.'

'Would you be?' He gave her a look and then added, 'You could come, if you want.'

Madison wrinkled her nose. 'Yeah, like anybody would want me there.'

'You think they want me?' He left his question unanswered and moved on, entirely changing the subject. 'So how many detentions you got left now?'

'Four. You?'

'Is that as of this moment in time?'

'You're intending to get more?'

'I don't like to limit myself.'

Madison smiled. 'I suppose everybody has to have an ambition.'

'Right. Like yours is probably to, what, make it to assistant manager of the bookstore before the boss impregnates you and you get fat from popping out twins? What?' he protested as she gave him a withering look.

'You have such a way with words.'

He grinned triumphantly and then frowned. 'Where are you going?'

She pointed in the direction she'd turned down. 'Home. What about you?'

'The quickest way to the trailer park is this way. What?' he asked again.

'You know the way to the trailer park?'

'I know my way around.'

Madison could well believe that, though she could only imagine why he knew the way out there. Right now, though, her concern wasn't what, or more likely _who_, had attracted him so far out of town. The truth was that he was right: straight on was the quicker way. It was the route she'd never taken in the five years she'd lived there. It normally didn't matter; she was usually alone and it didn't add too much more onto her journey. Explaining why she never walked that way was another thing altogether though.

'I… usually go this way….' she said hesitantly, knowing that every protestation she made would only prolong the conversation, drawing attention to her illogical journey home. Even now John was staring at her, his eyebrows knotted together, his head on one side, everything about him telling her she was crazy.

Finally, reluctantly, she re-joined him on the main road and they resumed their earlier walk. The only difference was that now she was having to fight against the urge to escape, to run ahead and beyond what she knew was coming any second now. She couldn't believe this was really happening. For five years she had successfully avoided this street, and now she was here, with John Bender of all people. She just hoped she could get to the end of it without any further incident.

'Hey Twinkie, you seen this place?' They hadn't spoken in several minutes, but she somehow wasn't surprised by his statement. Of course. What else would it be?

She drew to a halt beside him as he looked up at the white palace in front of them. The houses along the whole road each had their own unique charm and character, no two houses looking quite the same. Somehow, though, this one held your attention longer than others. The lawn was greener, the driveway cleaner. The house itself dazzled, making the lingering snowbanks on the roadside look dirty and dishevelled in comparison. It was exactly the sort of place a princess would live.

'Claire's house?' She hoped it sounded more of a question than a statement, and he nodded in response. Her throat slightly constricted, she added, 'You'll be really early.'

John didn't even respond with a quip as he stared up at the house. If she didn't know him better, she'd have said he was afraid. John Bender: afraid. People would never believe it.

'You've never been here before?'

He shook his head. 'Now I get it,' he said in a low voice which she wasn't sure she was supposed to have heard. Then, regaining some of his usual irreverence he gestured at the house next door. 'I bet the neighbours feel like shit in comparison to that.'

Madison had promised herself she wouldn't look. If she had to be on this road, she could at least avert her eyes and prevent any further harm coming to her. It would be the sensible thing to do. But now he was pointing and her eyes moved without any effort on her part. As if she'd ever had any choice in the matter.

The house next door in no way lived up to the Standish family pile. Brown and inconspicuous, it managed to look far smaller, even though Madison knew it had only one bedroom fewer than Claire's mansion. The tree in the front yard cast the house into further shadows and it looked for all the world as though it was deliberately trying to curl up and go unnoticed. She could entirely empathise with that. It wasn't the sort of house to inspire dreaming.

Yet suddenly all those carefully filed away memories spilled out and Madison wondered how they'd all stayed so tidy all these years. She could see the swing her father had put in the tree in the front yard, could remember the time she'd tumbled from it and scarred her knee for life. She could hear the way the pipes clanked late at night and Zach's footsteps across the wooden flooring in the hall. She could remember the way the sun spilled across the kitchen on an autumn morning when her mom would make pancakes for breakfast. And she could see Claire's head poking over the garden fence, asking whether she was free to come over yet.

'Twinkie?' John seemed to have been talking for some time when he placed his hand on her shoulder. Jerked back to the present, she blinked several times, her stomach lurching ominously. It was like the travel sickness she used to suffer as a child. It was all she could do to fight against vomiting there and then.

'You okay?' His dark eyes searched hers and she was startled enough by what she saw to take her mind off her roiling stomach. Kindness. He was being kind.

'I'm fine,' she said finally, emphatically, forcing a smile which she knew looked anything but genuine. Taking a step backwards, she added, 'I've just remembered… I'm… late… for… stuff, I should really be…' She gestured over her shoulder as she backed away. 'Have a… great evening. Enjoy.' She recognised the feeling that washed over her as she turned and hurried away. Fear. Pure and simple fear.


	7. Chapter 7

_I think I've actually finished writing this today. I'm toying with an epilogue but not sure. That means updates can be quicker as I go back through and edit it all. I think it works overall as a story - let me know!_

* * *

Bangs always seemed such a good idea, Madison mused the next morning as she was unpacking books at work. Certainly, for her purposes they were useful, providing the perfect curtain to hide behind. She'd found if she tipped her head forward at the right angle that her eyes were entirely hidden from any teachers who may wish to try and catch her eye, a trick she'd utilised on several hundred occasions. When your job involved repeatedly bending down to pick up books and then standing back up to place them on the shelves, bangs became a whole other problem. Shaking them out of her eyes yet again, she surveyed the remaining boxes with some despair; this task was never ending.

The store had been quiet for most of the morning. Truthfully, it was often quiet and Madison was starting to wonder exactly when she'd be laid off. This whole detention thing hadn't helped and she was certain her name was next on the list to be let go. Desperate to hang onto her only source of income, she'd thrown herself into work today, completing all the tasks that usually were overlooked. She'd already tidied the children's section, completed a stock take of the depressingly dull law section and was now working her way through the many boxes of surplus stock, making sure that the shelves were packed full of enticing literature. Meanwhile, her fellow weekend colleagues were huddled around the silent till, chewing gum and glowering at passers-by. Madison really hoped the boss was making a note of this.

Stacking books wasn't her career of choice, despite what John might have said yesterday. She had dreams which took her beyond the book stacks and out into a wide world far away from Shermer High and all the bad memories of this town. For now, though, there were worse jobs. There was something stabilising and peaceful about being surrounded by books, especially crisp ones fresh from the publishers. Bookstores had always been Madison's favourite kind of shop and she found some sort of enjoyment in lining all the spines up neatly, bringing order to at least a tiny part of her life.

Sometimes they wouldn't behave as she wanted them to though, and a badly stacked pile suddenly tumbled from their shelf and onto the floor. There was a thud and she saw a cover bend backwards. She swore and then made a silent apology to her mom, before she swooped to pick them up.

'You don't have to get on your knees for me, Twinkie.'

Madison looked up to find John, shades on, looking down at her, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Ignoring her heart which had suddenly started trampolining inside her chest, she stood up, the books cradled in her arms, hoping she'd find some sort of witty comeback.

'What are you doing here?' _Genius. Pure genius_.

John ran his finger along the spines of the books next to him, pulling one out at random and surveying the blurb. 'It's a bookstore. I am looking at books.'

Madison raised an eyebrow. She'd watched him pulling apart books in the library last weekend. John Bender and literature didn't seem easy bed fellows.

He shoved the book back onto the shelf with more force than was necessary and she resisted the urge to immediately straighten it. Yesterday had probably given him enough evidence that she was crazy; he didn't need any more. She made a mental note to re-align the books later.

'This chick I know recommended this book,' John carried on now, continuing down the book stack and pulling out several more titles which he turned his nose up at. Madison wondered how he could see anything at all through those shades, but she was slowly learning that much of what John did was theatre, a performance. He just needed a fellow actor to bounce off of.

'What book would that be then?'

'Something about murdering a canary or something. You think you could help me out with that?'

Madison was unable to prevent herself from smiling at his words. 'I thought you'd seen the movie.'

'I'm broadening my horizons.' He shoved a book back onto its shelf and turned to her. 'So you got a copy?'

Still doubting his excuse for being here, she led the way to the modern classics section and pulled out a copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird_.

'You can pay at the front.'

John's draw dropped exaggeratedly. 'Is this what you call customer service? Don't I get escorted to the checkout? Aren't you going to try and sell me anything else?'

'I'm working. I can't talk while I'm working.' Madison turned her back on him, heading back to her quiet haven and looking forward to ridding her mind of all the uncomfortable thoughts which rushed through it whenever John was around.

'When do you get a break?' She turned to look at him, her eyebrows raised. 'You must get a break, right?'

'Well… yeah… but…' Madison shrugged vaguely. 'It's not like a set time, we're supposed to take it when it's not busy.'

John's pointed stare around the silent store rather undermined her excuse.

After a long pause, she said, with a half-sigh, 'I'll go see.'

* * *

John was sat on the backrest of a bench outside the shop when she emerged minutes later. He had an unlit cigarette in his hand which he was tapping on the packet, the collar of his denim jacket turned up against the cold. It all only made his shades seem even more unnecessary and incongruous.

'Okay, James Dean, so what do you want?' Madison sat down next to him, tucking her hands up the sleeves of her jacket. When he didn't reply, she allowed the awkward silence to sit for a while. Then, a little frustrated at his ignoring her, she added, 'I mean, you did ask me to take a break.' A break her manager had grudgingly given her, as though the store were heaving with bibliophiles. It would be just her luck for her colleagues to make some kind of miraculous multi-million pound sale whilst she was out of the shop.

'Does there need to be a reason?' John spoke more sharply than she'd expected and she blinked in surprise. There was no apology from him but she was getting sort of used to that; it wasn't as though he was any good at them anyway.

'I take it the party was good then,' she persisted, not really knowing why she was bothering. She should be doing something much more worthwhile with her time, like keeping her job.

'Why would you say that?'

She waved vaguely at him. 'Disgusting mood. Ridiculous shades. A bid for suicide by nicotine. It must have been _wild_.'

'Don't tell me, you're straight edge?'

'Would that be a bad thing?' Her response made him pause long enough for her to get a small kick out of wrong footing him. 'Not that I am. I mean, I don't really drink or anything, but it's not some lifestyle choice.'

John fiddled with his lighter for a short time, the flame wavering in the light breeze but never making contact with his cigarette. Finally, 'The party sucked ass.'

'That good?' He gave her a sarcastic smile. Fighting against her usual instincts to detach from the situation, she asked, 'What was wrong with it?'

'The people. The music. The people. The beer. The people.'

'I'm guessing the beer was marginally better than the people, though?' She gave him a small smile and tried to find a silver lining. 'At least Claire was there.'

He snorted. 'Yeah.' Then he moved on, leaving her no opportunity to ponder what exactly he meant by that. 'Let me guess, you had some crazy night out and you'll feature on _America's Most Wanted_ next week?'

'I played a board game with my mom.' She was pleased to hear John's laughter rumbling through his body again, shaking the bench, even if it was at her expense. She knew it wasn't how most eighteen-year-olds would spend a Saturday night, but the alternative didn't seem to have worked for John. That he'd found that out the hard way somehow made his laughter more acceptable.

Now she stood up. 'I need to get back to work.'

John stood up too, pocketing his cigarettes. 'What are you doing for lunch?'

She scrutinised his face, cursing those shades once again for hiding his eyes so successfully. 'I don't know. I'll probably go to the park or something.' John nodded slowly. 'Why?'

'You owe me half a sandwich.'

* * *

It came as no surprise to Madison that John was sitting in the exact same place as earlier come one o'clock, albeit minus the shades now. Without exchanging a single word, he fell into step beside her and they settled upon a bench in the small fenced off square of grass she'd optimistically referred to as a park. There was nothing especially recreational about the space and on a chilly April day like today they were completely alone. Madison didn't really question it when she handed half of her sandwich over to him, despite the fact that he really owed her. She supposed this was the price you paid for some company.

'So I have some questions,' he said eventually, turning towards her after he'd demolished his half sandwich in a few bites. Madison decided not to question whether he ever got fed at home; it would probably open a whole can of worms. If all he was going to take from her was some bread and ham and some of her dead free time, that wasn't much to give up.

His words gave her reason for pause though and she eyed him dubiously. 'Okay.' She didn't get on well with questions. There were too many things she preferred to keep private and hidden, even from her mom, for questions to ever be her friend. She prepared herself for flight, even as she realised how much she'd like to stay here. It was a feeling she couldn't remember having before.

'Like, I get that Jem is short for Jeremy, and I don't really blame him cause Jeremy is a total dork name, but I don't get how you get to Scout.'

She blinked several times in surprise, before saying, 'Your questions are about the book?'

'Yeah.' He seemed equally as surprised as she was. 'Why, haven't you read it?'

She gave a small giggle of relief even as she rolled her eyes at his flippancy. 'And you reckon I'll have the answers?'

'Well you're Mr Anderson's favourite student, so why wouldn't you?'

'Where did you get that from?' She shifted uncomfortably.

'Around.' He shrugged. Then his gaze intensified. 'You're not…'

'Not what?'

'_Fucking the English teacher?'_ He spoke with exaggerated excitement, matching the gossip-y tones of so many girls at school perfectly. It seemed last night's party had at least afforded him the opportunity to nail his impressions.

His actual words rather overshadowed his acting skills though. 'No!' It sounded too much even to her ears, and she hastily added, 'I'm not… Mr Anderson and me… I mean, there _is_ no Mr Anderson and me, there's nothing…'

'Twinkie.' He looked at her with amusement. 'I was _joking_. But, hey, don't let me stop you burying yourself.'

She flushed bright red with embarrassment, but anxiety still flooded her veins. 'Do other people say that? Because Mr Anderson has never-'

'I doubt anybody else has even noticed you stay behind after every English lesson and he lends you books,' John said now, interrupting her flow. 'It was Brian who mentioned it.'

It took a few seconds for it to sink in. 'Brian noticed?'

'He's a nerd. He notices most things.'

There was a pause as Madison still tried to digest the information she'd been given. It raised so many more questions for her, like when Brian had first noticed and whether he thought it was odd that her English teacher took such an interest in her life. She'd be mortified if anybody thought there was anything inappropriate taking place between her and Mr Anderson; quite apart from anything else, he didn't deserve to be thought of like that, he was an excellent teacher.

Her thoughts could have preoccupied her for much longer, if John hadn't interrupted with, 'So anyway, back to my question: Scout?'

Madison was unexpectedly pleased to be distracted from her concerns, and she gave a smile. 'You want to know why she's called that?'

'I want to know why _you_ think she's called that.'

People didn't usually ask her for her opinions. Perhaps they thought she didn't have any, having never given them any reason to believe she would have. That alone made her consider her answer more carefully.

'I suppose there's a few reasons why I think she might be,' she said eventually, before looking at him to see if he was still interested. She was a little startled by the steady intense gaze which met her and she hastily recollected her thoughts, hoping not to disappoint. 'There's the more obvious point that she's obviously a complete tomboy. All those references to wearing pants and how Aunt Alexandra tries to turn her into her a proper young lady. I suppose Scout makes more sense, as in boy scout.'

John nodded. 'Yeah, okay. And a less obvious point?'

Madison found herself frowning as she concentrated carefully, trying to put into words what would usually have taken her three or four attempts to get down satisfactorily on paper. 'I suppose there's the other associations of "scout" as well. You know, searching for somebody or something? Which is absolutely what she spends the novel doing, looking for Boo Radley and I guess looking for the true nature of Maycomb and the people she knows. And if you take that further, there's the idea of her being a look out, an advance party, as she investigates things. I don't know, maybe she's Harper Lee's way of showing what she wants people to be like.'

'Which is?'

'Kind.' The word came without her needing to search for it and in that moment she realised what her extra-credit assignment was going to be. She'd been wrestling with the novel all week, certain that she wanted to write about it but struggling to find anything new to say. Race and justice had been done to death. But kindness. She could absolutely work with that.

Now John was nodding as though it all made sense and she was made brave enough to say, 'What do you think?'

'I think Jean Louise is a puke-worthy name.' He smirked.

His words were like a knife to her stomach and she stared at him in disbelief. That she'd trusted him with her opinion, had poured out the sorts of thoughts she usually only shared with Mr Anderson via paper, and he'd responded like this.

Abruptly, she swept up her bag and stood up.

'Whoa, where's the fire?' John asked, seemingly oblivious to what he'd said.

She glared at him. 'You're a jerk, John Bender.'

'What did I say?'

She flipped her hair over her shoulder. 'I thought you were actually interested in the book.'

'I am!'

'You're taking the piss!' _Sorry Mom_.

'That's what I do!'

She knew that was true but it didn't stop it hurting. There was no way she could explain it adequately to him without letting him even further into her life. She didn't let people into her life anymore, not since her dad and Claire and everything else had happened. John Bender was not going to be the exception to that rule. That wasn't possible.

'Look, I'm sorry,' he said eventually. 'I was just joking. I didn't realise you were so into this shit. I mean,' he added hastily as she glared at him afresh, 'you're way more into it than I thought. Like… you really like this stuff?'

'Yeah.' Madison nodded, folding her arms defiantly, daring him to criticise her favourite habit.

'Why?'

Madison was about to flip off a trite response before walking away. Then she looked at him properly and that intense stare was back. It was like he really was interested. Even if he was faking it, it was more attention than she'd paid by anybody in years. For that reason alone, she let her shoulders slump and gave one of the most truthful answers she'd ever given to any question.

'I've always loved reading. My dad used to read to me every night before bed. He never missed a single one. Even just before he left, even though I was old enough by then to read for myself, he still used to read something to me. We were partway through _The Hobbit_ when he left.' It was a book she'd still left unfinished, unable to pick it up without being dragged back to those painful evenings when she'd tried to tackle the book herself and couldn't without hearing her father's voice. Pushing those thoughts aside, she continued. 'I like how books can take you away from where you are. You can pick where you go and who you're with, just by choosing a title. You don't have to settle, you can change things, just by changing the book. You can escape. Don't you ever want to do that?' John gave her a wry smile, telling her she'd asked an obvious question of him. 'So how do you do it?'

'I usually get high.'

It was such a John answer that she laughed despite herself. 'I think I'll stick to reading.' Then, glancing at her watch, she said, 'I should be getting back. I'll… see you tomorrow. At school?' It surprised her how pleased she was when he nodded.


	8. Chapter 8

Monday morning dawned wet and rainy, and by fifth period Madison's mood was very similar. She wasn't sure what had made her think that today would be any different from the hundreds of other days she'd spent within the four walls of the school. She didn't even really know why she wanted it to be any different. It just felt like something should have changed.

Yet here she was, sat in the same seat, in the same room, surrounded by the same people she'd seen day in, day out for the past four years. Mr Anderson was beginning the lesson and she prepared herself to take the usual notes in silence, never once raising her hand to contribute something to the lesson. She'd never wanted to before. How could that have changed in one weekend?

'We're going to do things a little differently today,' Mr Anderson said now, and there was a noticeable change in the room. People who ordinarily coasted through the lesson, having opted for English because they thought it would be a breeze, suddenly looked at him suspiciously, as though he'd betrayed them in some way. Those on the front row who hung on his every word gazed up at him, certain anything he suggested would be wonderful. Madison kept her eyes fixed on the notepad in front of her, every sense attuned to him now and wondering how his new idea would affect her.

'Much as I know you love the sound of my voice, I think it's time we heard from a few more of you. This project is going to form 40 per cent of your final grade.' The word 'project' elicited a couple of groans which Mr Anderson ignored. 'Working in pairs, you're going to be asked to explore an aspect of the novel and prepare a presentation on that for the rest of the class.' More moans, which he spoke over. 'You will have two weeks in which to complete the research and preparation before you present to the class. And just to make it fair, you can select your pairs yourself. I'll give you a couple of minutes to sort yourselves out.'

Some people latched onto their partners immediately, clinging on for dear life, making the most out of a pretty terrible situation. Some people grudgingly got to their feet and slumped down next to their partner, reconciling themselves to having to deal with this for the next few weeks. Madison remained rooted to her seat, still staring at the page in front of her. She'd trusted Mr Anderson and this was how he repaid her? Group work was bad enough without having to find her own partner. It was as though he didn't know her at all. She readied herself for being the loner left at the end of the time limit, the one the teacher had to appeal to the class in order to partner her up. Her desire for change had been fulfilled, and now she wished she'd saved the wish for something less earth-shattering, like world peace or something. This was too hideous for words.

'Um, hey… Madison.' A voice at her shoulder reached her through her tumbling depression. She lifted her head slightly to see Brian hovering by her desk, an awkward smile on his face. 'How-how are you?'

'Fine.' It was the habitual response she trotted out whenever anybody asked that question and she saw no reason to deviate from that on this occasion. She could try to change one thing though. 'You?'

'Yeah, I'm good.' Brian nodded eagerly. Then, 'Um… say… do you want to… partner up?' The awkward smile returned as he waited for her answer.

Madison hesitated, initially unable to believe what she was hearing. She was never asked to partner up with anybody. Much like gym class last week, she couldn't believe she wasn't being left until the end. But here it was, the lifeline she'd been longing for.

'That would be good.'

'Cool.' Brian grinned, a real genuine grin which suggested she wasn't simply his only choice in the room; he wanted to work with her. He dropped down into the desk next to her just as Mr Anderson thrust the box of topics underneath her nose.

'Time to pick your destiny, Madison,' he said, and she could have sworn she saw a small smile on his face before he became the ever-professional teacher again. 'What will it be?'

She dipped her hand in and pulled out a slip of paper. Unrolling it, she was aware of both the teacher and Brian waiting anxiously for the result. It was with some irony that she finally read out the word. 'Loneliness.'

'Good choice.' Mr Anderson nodded. 'I'm sure you'll do it justice.' He moved off and left her alone with Brian.

'So… where shall we start?' he said now, with the enthusiasm of a Labrador puppy. 'What do you think?'

There it was again, that request for an opinion. Still a little uncomfortable with that, she phrased her response as a question. 'We could start with the quote in Section One about "guys like us are the loneliest guys in the world"?'

'Good idea.' Brian quickly flicked through the book in his hands and found the right page. 'I suppose we could look to see how Steinbeck presents that aspect to the reader.'

'And why George and Lennie are different,' Madison put in.

Brian grinned again. 'Cool. I'll look in Section Two then if you like, if you want to do Section Three?'

Madison nodded and opened her book, unable to ignore the smile which tugged at her mouth. This might actually be alright.

* * *

The bell for sixth period had gone. Madison was supposed to be in the cafeteria for lunch and everybody else in her class had already scrambled out of the door, desperate to escape from 1930s depression. Even Brian had made his exit with a cheerful goodbye. It just left her and Mr Anderson.

'Ah, it's the school's new reprobate,' he said, smiling as she approached his desk. 'I wondered if I'd be seeing you again since your rise to fame.'

Madison felt her cheeks flush and shook her bangs across her eyes. She didn't like to think of Mr Anderson as a gossip so if even he had heard about her never-ending detentions then it must be considered common knowledge. She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

Back to business as usual then. 'I finished _To Kill a Mockingbird_,' she informed him now, placing the book on his desk.

'And what did you think?'

'I loved it.'

The only surprise the teacher showed at her unusually passionate words was a brief eyebrow raise. 'What did you like so much?'

'Everything.' Madison bit her tongue, aware she sounded less like a serious Literature student and more like a gushing idiot. But it was true; she had loved everything about the novel, especially... 'Atticus,' she added now, her mind struggling to keep up with her tongue.

'He's a wonderful character, isn't he? Everybody could learn something from him. I sometimes think they should make bumper stickers: What Would Atticus Do?' Mr Anderson laughed at his own joke which meant Madison only had to give a small smile. 'So it was a hit?'

She nodded. 'I'm using it for extra-credit.'

'Oh good, I'm glad. In the meantime, are you looking for something else to read?'

A much more eager nod from her. 'I tried _Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry_,' she explained.

'And?'

She wrinkled her nose.

'Not quite Harper Lee, is it? Give me a second.' Mr Anderson got up from his seat and crossed over to where he kept his stash of books. He made the usual murmurs and mumbles as he ran his fingers along the spines whilst Madison waited patiently for whatever he would choose to bestow upon her. Then finally, 'Ah, here we are.' He turned around, a book in his hand. 'Now, it's a bit of a deviation from what we've been thinking about recently, but it is a classic which you're the perfect age to read.'

Madison read the front cover as he placed it into her hands. '_Pride and Prejudice_.'

'Early nineteenth century English romance. One of the most famous opening lines in the entire language. The archetypal love story.' Mr Anderson waxed lyrical about the book. 'It's a bit harder going than the last few books you've read, but nothing you won't be able to cope with. Plus there's a wonderful quotation about books in it which I've always fully agreed with.'

Madison opened up the book and skim read the first page. It was wordy and she frowned a little, before looking back at the teacher. 'I'll try it. Thanks.'

'No problem.' She was almost at the door, before he spoke again and made her turn around. 'Oh, Madison? How did you get on with Brian today?'

She shrugged. 'Fine.'

There was a long pause in which he only nodded. Then he said, 'Good. I'll see you next lesson.'

If she'd been given time to think about it, she would have found his query strange and would probably have turned it over in her mind for the rest of the day. Instead, what – or to be more accurate, who - she found outside of the classroom immediately pushed Mr Anderson's words from her head.

'Hey Madison!' A shout down the hallway preceded Andrew's physical arrival at the doorway. 'How are you?' It was one of the most genuinely enthusiastic greetings she'd ever received. It was also one of the loudest and she was grateful that the hallway was virtually empty.

'Yeah, fine, thanks.' She ducked her head and her bangs fell in her face again. 'You?'

'Really good.' Andrew nodded eagerly. 'Say, we were wondering what you were doing for lunch today. I'm on my way to the cafeteria now, you want to come?'

She eyed him suspiciously. He'd never been anything but lovely to her, defending her against both John and Claire when he felt it necessary. Homeroom gossip told her that he'd been seen at a party on Saturday night but had left early with Allison. There was no reason not to trust him and his enthusiasm. Yet there was the story he'd told in detention, the reason he'd spent a whole Saturday in school. And there was the pure fact he was jock and nobody with any sense trusted them.

'Who's we?'

'Allison and me. And I think Brian's going to join.' Andrew nodded. Then he added, 'Claire might be along later.'

It was too desperate to ask where John was and so she didn't. Besides, John wouldn't be enough to get her sat around a table with Claire Standish, not without significant preparation beforehand. Even as her heart sank, thinking of how much she'd like to get to know Allison better, she strengthened her resolve. She didn't need to do this.

'Sorry, I've got some reading to do.' She vaguely waved her book around, hoping he hadn't memorised the entire English syllabus for this year; Jane Austen didn't even feature on it to her knowledge. 'But thanks, maybe another time.' It was more polite than she'd imagined she was capable of and she hoped it would somehow counteract the cursing she'd been doing lately.

'Oh. Right.' Andrew nodded and she wondered if she'd imagined his slight deflation. 'Well, might catch you later then.'

'Sure.' Definitely not. Madison made a hasty escape to the library. Only once there, she found she wasn't paying the Bennetts the slightest bit of attention; instead, she was thinking where John was today and how this place seemed so much emptier without him.

* * *

Gym was badminton today, which Madison still sucked at but at least didn't involve any team picking. She knew she hadn't imagined the hissed snarky remarks by the more popular girls as she walked past. When it came to high school gym class, invisible would always be her state of choice. She hoped lying low this week would cause them to find someone else to whisper about.

Having swung at and missed her fair share of shuttlecocks, she retired to the corner where she expected everybody would forget all about her. Ordinarily she would have zoned out right about now, thinking instead about her homework or something else far more interesting than the gossiping girls sat in front of her. Today, once she'd heard the words 'Bender' and 'Claire', any other thoughts were chased from her mind.

Claire was in the midst of an intense badminton match. It was yet another string to her bow that she was an adequate athlete, not quite good enough to be coerced into representing the school, but proficient enough to avoid the kind of humiliation Madison experienced in almost every sport she attempted. Being Claire Standish, Madison was just realising, was very hard work. Something the bitches in front of her were only proving.

'So they walk into the party and he's already high,' the blonde said, not even really trying to be subtle. 'You know, he's giving everybody that look and he stinks of pot.'

'And what's Claire doing?' the brunette prompted.

'Oh she's all friendly and like there's nothing different. But, I mean, it's _John Bender_, you know?'

'Yeah, I know. I can't believe she actually brought him. Did he, like, _talk_ to anyone?'

'It was totally embarrassing,' the blonde continued. 'He made a few lame-ass jokes about totally _disgusting_ things and it was so unbelievably awkward.'

'God, how _awful_. What did Claire do?'

'She was embarrassed, you could so tell. She was practically as red as her hair!' They gave a short cackle. 'Like, at first she was sort of humouring him and that was _way_ weird cause she kept laughing even when everybody else was just horrified. Then she got a bit pissed with him, especially when he started drinking. He wandered off for a bit and she was like her usual self, but then she got all worried about what he was doing and went to find him.'

'What _was_ he doing?'

'He was smoking up out back with some of those loser burnouts that Ricky is always inviting cause they can score the best pot. I guess they really do find their own kind.' The blonde shrugged before reapplying her lipstick and rolling her eyes when the gym teacher gestured her to put it away. 'Pretty soon after they left together but Claire was so wigging out.'

'Oh my God.' The brunette raised her eyebrows and looked across at where their subject was now serving. 'And she's still with him?'

'Apparently.' The blonde shrugged again. 'Go figure.' Just then she caught Madison's eye and shot her a look. 'What are you looking at?'

Madison knew better than to reply and simply dipped her head. Predictably, the girl lost interest within seconds, turning back to her companion and switching to another equally as bitch-worthy subject. These parties sounded even more hideous than Madison had ever imagined and she was glad she was never invited to any of them. A brief stab of pity for Claire washed over her, before she replayed the blonde's words in her head: _I guess they really do find their own kind_. No wonder John had been so bitter yesterday morning. She wondered where he was today.

* * *

It was a thought which returned to her mind as the week dragged on. It wasn't as though it was any worse than usual; in fact, Madison even scored an A- in geometry which she never did, so it seemed the gods were smiling on her this week. If people still glanced her way when she walked past and there were a few hushed whispers, at least they'd stopped coming up to and demanding she let them in on the secrets of that day in detention. If Sherrie had been relating her own encounter with John and Madison, then it hadn't drifted up into senior year, and Madison was pleased. Sherrie had done nothing much to her and yet she had no desire to see the girl again in the near future. As for Joseph, she hadn't so much as tripped over him. It seemed he was even more invisible than she was, and she was torn between envy and pity.

Her own invisibility seemed to be fading somewhat, as one by one, Brian, Andrew and Allison asked her again to join her for lunch. It was only when the basket case faithfully stalked her from class to class on Thursday that her resolve was broken, and even then it was only Allison's final statement that 'Claire won't be there' which changed her mind. It was as though the girl knew exactly what would twist Madison's arm and it was with an exchange of wry smiles that the two of them made their way the cafeteria.

The lunch wasn't so bad. It was so long since Madison had spent more than a few minutes in the cafeteria that she'd never really noticed how loud it was. It was like a wall of sound all around her and it was all she could to concentrate upon the conversation the other three were having. She wondered if they knew how much people were still looking at them, ten days after their first lunch together. They seemed oblivious to it, content in each other's company, and Madison wondered how they managed it. Andrew in particular seemed so at ease here, several tables over from where the other jocks were seated. Only now did she realise quite why people were so fascinated by the Breakfast Club.

One question caught her ear and suddenly tuning into the conversation seemed to be no problem

'Has anybody heard from John?' Brian asked.

'Not since Saturday night,' Andrew replied, shaking his head. 'And… um… he wasn't making much sense then anyway.'

'Has anybody tried, like, calling him or anything?'

'You have his number?' Andrew raised his eyebrows doubtfully. It did seem a very un-John thing to do, Madison had to admit.

'Well, no…' Brian shrugged. 'We could call round.'

'I would… rather… not…' Andrew glanced at Allison and Madison caught the look between the two of them. It seemed they had already had this conversation before and there'd been a difference of opinion. It was a little comforting to know that there could be trouble in paradise.

'I'd go.' Allison spoke with the kind of reckless confidence she'd displayed in detention. 'If I knew where he lived.'

'How is it he knows so much about us and we know almost nothing about him?' Andrew asked. 'That doesn't seem right.'

'You don't think something's happened to him, do you?' Brian voiced the concerns that were no doubt playing on everybody's mind; they'd certainly been haunting Madison over the last few days. 'I mean, his parents…'

'Or the amount he drank on Saturday,' Andrew pointed out.

Suddenly Madison found her mouth moving. 'I saw him on Sunday.' All three of them turned to look at her and she swallowed hard before saying again, 'I saw him on Sunday.'

'And… did he seem… okay?' Brian prompted her, and she saw a brief look of betrayal flicker across his face. They'd been in three English classes this week and never once had she mentioned seeing their mascot. It was true that he'd never asked, but that was hardly the point.

'He seemed… alright.' She looked down at her sandwich as she thought carefully about how to describe the time she'd spent with him on Sunday. He'd given almost nothing away about himself or how he'd been feeling, apart from a short run-down of exactly why the party had been so awful. 'He didn't enjoy the party.'

'God, who would?' Allison rolled her eyes and gave Andrew what looked like a painful nudge in the ribs. 'Even you thought it sucked, didn't you?'

'It wasn't the greatest party…' Andrew said, a little non-committedly.

'It blowed.' Allison turned back to Madison and spoke with some force, which made her smile.

'Did he say he wouldn't be in this week?' Brian asked, focusing the conversation back upon John and his notable absence. 'Like, is he visiting colleges or on vacation or something?' Again, Madison was reminded of John's vision of Brian's house and she tried to prevent herself from smiling. The nerd's naivety was refreshing and not a little endearing.

'I don't think he plans things like that,' she said eventually. 'I'm sure he's okay.' Then, a little more boldly, 'Have you asked Claire?'

All three of them exchanged glances. Finally, Allison spoke. 'Claire's avoiding us.'

'Claire's avoiding everybody,' Andrew added, and Madison remembered the girls in gym on Monday; she'd avoid them too. Trust Claire to draw attention to herself by simply trying not to though. It was a special talent she'd always had.

By Friday, there was still no sign from the criminal and Madison tried to justify her concern as a selfish need to have somebody to entertain her in detention on Saturday. The day would be deathly without him needling her and causing widespread arguments. History lessons had never been so peaceful and she knew she should have been grateful. This was really something she could do without though.

Much like Brian's suggestion of studying on Friday night. Her own plans for Friday night weren't exactly thrilling – most likely curling up with a book by herself in the trailer – but it was such a very Brian-suggestion to do their homework instead. There was still over a week until their presentations were due so it wasn't as though some last minute cramming was needed. Instead, it seemed as though Brian was one of those rare study partners who actually liked to get ahead. With that in mind, Madison found it almost impossible to turn down the offer of studying round his house on Friday night. To turn him down would make her exactly the kind of person she disliked. It wasn't as though she had anything better to do anyway.

The look on her mom's face had been an added bonus, even if Madison had almost immediately qualified the announcement with, 'Mom, it's just an English project.'

'I know.' Laura nodded, but her eyes still sparkled with mischief. She looked so like Zach in those moments when she was actually able to behave as though she didn't have the weight of the world on her shoulders, moments Madison missed tremendously. 'It's nice though. Nice you're making friends.'

'He's just my study partner.' Madison shrugged and Laura was quiet. The last thing she needed was for her own mother to begin believing the sorts of rumours that had been flying around Shermer High over the last two weeks.

Brian lived in the opposite direction from the trailer park in a small house which didn't quite live up to John's imagined picture of it. It was impossible to ignore the way Brian's already awkward small talk became increasingly painful as they neared his house that evening, until he hesitated on the doorstep, taking a deep breath as though he needed to fortify himself simply to step into the house. It was a far cry from the way Madison usually crashed into the trailer.

Approximately twenty seconds after meeting Mrs Johnson, Madison could sort of understand it.

'Mom, this is Madison. She's my study partner in English.'

Mrs Johnson looked up from the magazine she was reading and Madison could feel the woman's laser eyes swooping over her. Standing up straighter and hoping her hair hadn't become too wild in the wind, she wondered if she was making a good impression.

There was, however, no response from Mrs Johnson. Brian prompted her again.

'We're going to work on our project in my room this evening.'

That got her attention, but not for the reasons Madison would have thought. Clearly even Brian's own mother thought him having a girl in his room was of no import. 'You're supposed to be baby-sitting your sister.'

Brian nodded hastily. 'I know. I can do both.'

'I'm really good with kids, Mrs Johnson.' Where had that come from? Madison tried not to let her own surprise show and instead pasted on a completely goofy and ridiculous smile which she knew wasn't helping her case.

Luckily, it was as though Madison wasn't even there and Mrs Johnson spoke only to her son. 'Caitlin needs her dinner cooking. Your father and I will be going out at six.'

Brian nodded again. 'Sure.'

And that was it. No enquiry about his day, barely even any eye contact. It was so long since Madison had brought a friend home that she wasn't sure how her mom would react anymore, but she expected Laura would at least acknowledge them. Much as she liked to remain anonymous, an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy washed over her as she followed Brian upstairs. To think he lived with that every day of his life made her shudder and so when he closed the door behind him, she found her tongue running away with her again.

'Is your mom always like that?'

'Like what?' Brian frowned, as though he really hadn't noticed it. Then he added, 'Oh. Yeah.' He shrugged but avoided looking Madison in the eye. 'It's… okay.'

It was far from okay, but it was also far beyond what Madison was willing to get into right now. She allowed the silence to hang in the air for a few seconds before she dropped her bag to the floor and then joined it, shunning his bed as just too complicated to contemplate.

'Shall we get started then?'

It had astonished Madison how much she'd enjoyed working on this presentation with Brian. Literature might not have been his first choice of subject, but she couldn't fault his enthusiasm and dedication to the project, and sharing her ideas with someone else wasn't so bad after all. More interesting was being able to hear somebody else's thoughts and find that there was always more than one way to look at things. She'd always known that, but actually experiencing it was something else.

They broke off after a couple of hours to allow Brian to cook his little sister some dinner. Madison was hoping that there'd be at least somebody in his family who she would be able to like. Unfortunately Caitlin was a particularly unpleasant sort of child, and even if Madison's claim that she was really good with kids was true, this girl would certainly test her patience. By the time her mom picked her up at ten o'clock on the way home from the hospital, Madison's sympathy and affection for Brian had grown ten-fold and she was even more grateful to fall into the truck beside Laura and be taken somewhere else.

That is, until she looked at her mom. Really looked at her for the first time in a while and realised how exhausted she looked. Laura was always tired, of course, it came with the territory of Zach's illness and working every other hour God sent to feed them all. But this was something else. There was a stress in her jawline and fresh lines on her forehead. In the brief moment before the interior light flicked off, Madison could see there was something wrong.

Before Laura could ask how the study session had gone, Madison blurted out, 'Is Zach okay?'

The darkness hid her mom's immediate reaction and if Madison wasn't so attuned to every nuance in Laura's speech she might have thought her, 'He's fine. Well, as good as usual. Bored,' was genuine. The slight hesitation spoke volumes though and Madison felt her heart rate quicken. There was something wrong.

'How was your study session?' Laura asked now, changing the subject effortlessly.

Madison paused. She could press for a real answer, demand to know what was really keeping her brother in hospital so long. He'd had chemo and radiotherapy before; it made him pretty sick, but he'd been allowed home other times. She didn't know why she hadn't questioned it before, apart from one thing. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.

'It was fine.'


	9. Chapter 9

**I really liked writing this chapter. It has all the elements I like in a chapter.**

* * *

The library was empty when Madison arrived the next morning. She sat down in what she was coming to think of as her chair and glanced up at the clock. Not quite seven yet. This was the product of an almost entirely sleepless night: being first to Saturday detention.

She'd brooded over her thoughts about Zach ever since she'd gone to bed last night. Now she thought about it, it was startling she hadn't had these thoughts before. There had been hints for a few weeks now: Zach's uncharacteristic depression when she visited him, her mom's exhaustion, the way nobody had really kicked up too much of a fuss that she wasn't visiting him for over a month. So much could change in a month and it was as though they were pleased she was out of the way. She could only imagine what they were trying to hide, and those imaginings kept her awake all night. She was already hoping she'd be able to get some sleep in detention today.

Lost in her own thoughts, she barely glanced in John's direction as he loped into detention seconds before seven o'clock. It was long enough to ascertain that he still had all his limbs and wasn't covered in a hideous rash. She'd worried enough about him this week when she should have been worrying about her own brother. Her own disgust made her turn away from him again as Vernon came in. She wondered if he ever got Saturdays to himself.

The tried and tested spiel was trotted out without anybody listening. Madison was only vaguely aware of the other kids in detention. Sherrie and Joseph had learnt their lessons and had been replaced by three other students, none of whom she had seen before. She had no interest in finding out more about them; she didn't have much interest in anything today.

Her daydreaming was noticed though, as Vernon brought his hand down on her table, making her jump.

'Is that clear, Ms Lawrence?' he demanded now, those grey roots still creeping through his badly dyed hair.

It took several seconds for Madison to catch up and move her mouth appropriately. 'Yes sir,' she said eventually, with no idea what she was agreeing to. She caught John smirking out the corner of her eye and she resolutely turned away again, not wanting to get any more involved than she already was. She'd wasted enough time on him.

She was unable to ignore him in the next minute though.

'…any questions?'

'Yeah, I got a question.' Madison kept her face resolutely turned from John as he said, 'So have I got six detentions left or only five? I kind of lost count.'

It was like a red rag to a bull. With a snarl, Vernon replied, 'It's six,' before stalking out of the room with his usual empty threats. The door banged close and the room fell silent again.

Nine hours spread out ahead of them. That would be a fantastic sleep, Madison thought, and wished she could shut her brain off. Her head was aching and her eyes felt heavy in their sockets, yet words and phrases kept chasing around her head in a way that she knew meant she'd never get to sleep. Staring into space seemed the second best option.

'Dude, what a dick.' An unfamiliar voice broke into her thoughts as one of the new students gave his verdict on the vice-principal's welcoming speech. 'Is he always like that?'

'You have no idea.' John's confirmation was noticeable only in that he was actually having a real conversation with the other guy. There was no mocking tone to his voice. It made him almost unrecognisable.

'Man.' The second guy gave a heavy sigh. 'An essay? Fuck that shit.' There was a thud as presumably his head hit the table. 'This seriously blows.'

Madison hadn't thought it possible that somebody could be more irritating than John in detention. Already she was wondering if she'd be able to sit here until four this afternoon and listen to these inane comments. For the first time she really hated herself for getting all these detentions and the resentment settled low in her stomach, burning away.

The Irritant began drumming on the table. If it weren't for the fact that he looked so completely different from John, Madison could have sworn they were brothers. Accompanying himself with a frustrating hum, he brought his little performance to a conclusion before turning back to John.

'So you going to this party tonight?' Madison imagined John's shrug when he didn't reply and the Irritant continued. 'It's going to be immense, dude, you should definitely come. You could bring that chick you've been hanging out with if you like.' Claire, presumably. The way this guy was rhapsodising about the party it didn't sound much like the Princess would enjoy it.

It seemed John agreed. 'I don't think it's really Claire's thing.' Then, without warning, he added, 'How about you, Twinkie?'

Madison glowered at him and was gratified to see that it actually seemed to wipe the cocksure smile off of his face.

'Wait, you two know each other?' The Irritant suddenly perked up again and looked between them. His eyes were wide and Madison was only just able to prevent herself from grimacing as his gaze swept over her. 'You should definitely come along. Why didn't you invite her before, man?'

Madison stared at him for a second before turning away, not even acknowledging his invitation. It was all the invitation John needed to repay her for the look she'd given him earlier.

'Well now that's not very polite, Twinkie.'

She turned to look at him, hoping he could see the exhaustion in her eyes. Then she saw the same exhaustion staring back at her, and she knew that this wasn't going to be over until he said it was.

Helplessly, she said in a small voice, 'Please don't.'

'Then answer the question.' John gestured wildly towards the Irritant. 'Dom asked you a question.' Dom, to his credit, looked a little embarrassed. 'Are you or are you not coming to the party tonight?'

Madison bit her lip and shook her head.

'Right. And why would that be?' John demanded. 'Because we both know you don't have anywhere else to be.'

'Dude!' Dom seemed alarmed by John's aggression.

John ignored him. 'So what is it?'

She shook her head again. 'It doesn't matter.'

'You're saying we don't matter?'

'No, I…'

'Because that would be more than a little rude, right, Dom?' Dom didn't reply, seemingly embarrassed at having started this whole performance. 'But then you do already have form for that, right, Twinkie? So is this just another example of you being a stuck-up bitch or is it something else?'

The resentment and self-loathing that had lodged in her stomach flared through her body, fighting John's spite with an anger of her own. There was something liberating about spitting the words out, something satisfying in seeing his face change as he realised his mistake.

'I think my brother's dying.' She stayed just long enough to see Dom's jaw drop and John's face pale, his eyes closing as though blinking would get rid of the awful picture in front of him. 'So I don't really feel like partying.'

Walking away, she heard him called after her: 'Twinkie! Twinkie! Shit!'

* * *

'You know this is a really shit hiding place, right?' John sighed when she didn't reply and leaned back against the bookstack. 'I'm sorry, okay? I'm… really sorry.'

Hoping the tears had dried on her cheeks, Madison glared at him. 'Do you usually make a habit of this?'

'No. Not apologising.' John ducked his gaze from hers. 'Making girls cry. Probably.'

'I'm not crying.' Still, she swiped her sleeve over her face as John looked down at his hands as though he was genuinely sorry. The first stab of anger had passed and without it, she felt the exhaustion settle back upon her shoulders. Blowing her bangs out of her face, she said in an unattractively sulky voice, 'You know you're behaving like a dick, right?'

John didn't reply at first and they both fell to studying their fingernails as though they were fascinating. Eventually he said in a small voice, 'I've had a shit week.'

Fury bubbled up again briefly. 'So you can take it out on me?'

'No! I didn't say that!' Clearly irritated, he ran his hand over his face. 'I don't know. I guess it's another habit I have.'

Madison chose not to say anything. If it was habit he had, it was a terrible one, but she could see he'd already realised that. It wasn't going to help matters by her reminding him of his failings. Deep down inside, though, an evil voice was whispering, bringing back feelings she'd buried years ago: _you wouldn't do this to Claire_. God, how was she still so jealous?

Trying to be a better person, she said now, only a little begrudgingly, 'Apology accepted.' It wasn't as though he'd forced her into sharing her life with the whole detention; it had been her stupid mouth which had opened itself. Not everything was John Bender's fault.

As if he realised he sort of still needed to prove that, he said, 'Did you mean what you said? About your brother?' She nodded. 'Shit. But I thought you said he was having treatment. Some transplant… thing?'

She remembered her angry outburst two weeks ago when Claire had asked about Zach. How could things have changed so much in two weeks? Half-shrugging, half-nodding, she said, 'Yeah, he is.'

There was a pause and then John raised an eyebrow. 'Yeah, you're gonna have to start explaining, Twinks, cause this isn't making any sense.'

She knew it didn't and she usually hated not making sense. One of the most humiliating comments Mr Anderson had ever written on one of her papers was that she'd failed to make any sense whatsoever and he was sure there were good ideas in there somewhere. But when John said it, it was sort of okay. It was true, at least, something she was finding increasingly valuable.

Now she tried to order her own thoughts and explain as clearly as she could, remembering their talk about Scout Finch last weekend. She hoped this conversation wouldn't end like that one had.

'It's my mom,' she began and then hesitated before continuing. 'She's acting really odd. Like, she's tired all the time, and distracted, and it's not like that's anything new, but… I don't know, it's different. And Zach is behaving really really weird. He's never down, he's never… _sad_, but the last time I saw him he was talking like this was it, the end, and…' She took a deep breath, feeling tears pooling up in her eyes again and hoping they wouldn't spill over. By the time she'd got herself under control, she found there wasn't much else to say and so she let the silence hang.

'So, you don't know he's dying? You only _think?_' She lifted her head to see a look of incredulity on his face. 'Can't you just _ask_ your mom? I thought you and her were close.'

'Yeah, I can just ask her if Zach's dying. I'll bring it up over dinner.' Madison spat her words and glared at him, hiding her hurt with anger once again. 'Thank you for your excellent advice.'

John rolled his eyes, either at her or at himself. 'I didn't mean it like that,' he said through gritted teeth. 'I meant… I don't know what I meant. I'm sorry, okay?'

Despite herself, she felt the very corners of her mouth twitching. 'You're definitely making a habit of that.'

His chocolate-brown eyes met hers and for the first time she saw something other than a smirk on his lips: a genuine smile. She felt the knot of self-loathing that had lodged itself in her stomach unravel itself ever so slightly and her next breath was marginally easier. It was the best she'd felt since she'd got into her mom's car the previous evening.

'Where have you been all week?' she asked now, only just realising how much she'd missed him. 'You haven't been in.'

'You noticed?'

She rolled her eyes at his self-satisfied smirk. '_Brian_ noticed.' It wasn't a lie, or if it was, it was only a lie of omission. She wouldn't feel guilty about it.

John nodded. 'Figures.'

'So?'

There was a pause as John regarded her steadily and Madison felt as though she was being assessed. Suddenly she wanted to meet whatever standards he was setting inside his head, and she shook her bangs out of her eyes, sitting up ever so straighter, wanting him to notice her. It had been years since she'd wanted to be noticed.

Then his eyes turned muddy, like a shutter had come down across them. 'I had stuff to do.'

Madison clamped her jaw shut. Inside, her thoughts were going crazy: _Is that it? Is that all you're going to say?_ He didn't owe her anything. Whatever this was, it wasn't a friendship. He'd apologised and she'd accepted. She had no right to demand more. If she felt betrayed by him, it was her fault.

She got to her feet. 'I'm going to head back over.' Shrugging, she added, 'I could do without getting any more detentions. You… you know Vernon added one for you, don't you? You only had five left.'

A rueful smile spread over his face. 'Yeah. I know.'

Still hesitating, she asked, 'Are you… coming?'

'In a bit.'

Back at the tables, Dom threw her a doleful look as she sat down and she'd not even drawn breath before he said, 'Hey, I'm sorry. I… I didn't know.'

She forced a smile. 'It doesn't matter.' Even as she said the words, she knew that it did. Already she could see Dom looking at her differently. From the way he'd been talking earlier, it had seemed as though he thought she was just some girl, maybe a pretty one he wouldn't mind taking along to a party. Normal. Now he was treating her like she was a ticking time bomb. This was what she had fought so hard against all of these years. Never had she felt like her efforts had been so wasted.

Dom looked like he was about to speak again and Madison couldn't bear it. She let her hair fall between them like a curtain and reached for the book Mr Anderson had lent to her. The boy didn't say anything and she was okay with that.

* * *

The day passed uneventfully after that. The other two students' anonymity remained untouched as they scribbled away at their essays. Dom's attempts to engage John in any further conversation were half-hearted and by midday, silence had taken over the room. Madison avoided looking at anybody, even foregoing lunch in order to prevent any risk of interaction. Never had she wanted to escape from detention faster.

Finally, the minute hand limped to four o'clock. Tossing the book inside her bag, she headed for the door and set out into the late afternoon. The weather had become so much milder in the last few days and she left her hat and gloves in her pocket and her coat undone. Spring was looking like more and more of a possibility and she was glad; this winter had sucked.

She'd thought she was well clear of the school and everything that meant; she'd certainly walked fast enough to be out of breath. But she should have known that would never have worked. Not if John Bender put his mind to it.

'Where's the fire? I thought I hated school, but you… Wow.' Falling into step beside her, there was a few minutes pause as he caught his breath. He coughed twice and a sharp intake of breath followed each one, but she didn't comment; this was really only what a smoker could expect. At length, he continued in a conversational tone as though they'd been talking for a while. 'So anyway, I was thinking you should definitely come to the party tonight.'

A little blindsided, Madison frowned. 'What?'

'The party. Tonight. You should come.'

She remembered the conversation Dom and he had had earlier that morning and the irritation she'd felt then flashed through her head. The only difference this time was that she was able to force the words past her teeth.

'Oh, the party which would be totally my scene, but not Claire's?' Could she sound any more resentful?

'Claire? What's Claire got to do with this?' He sounded completely genuine, as though he hadn't given her a thought all day, despite the fact they were almost on her street.

'She's your _girlfriend_?'

They walked on in silence for a few steps with no response from John. Madison wasn't quite sure what to make of that.

'So, are you coming? What?' He threw her what seemed to all intents and purposes to be a baffled look. 'I think you'd enjoy it and what else are you going to do? Mope around in your trailer?'

'You're selling it to me so well.' She rolled her eyes. 'Given how you looked last Sunday, I think I'll give it a miss.'

'It's not that kind of party. It's a cool party.' John suddenly put his hand on her elbow and she tried to pretend that she hadn't just been electrocuted. 'Come on, Twinks, give me one good reason why not.'

She thought. She thought hard. On the surface, there were a thousand reasons why she shouldn't go to any party tonight, let alone one with John Bender. First and foremost there was her brother. It didn't seem right to be at a party when she had very real suspicions about his health. Her mom didn't need to worry where her daughter was when she was already worrying about her son. Madison wasn't even sure she liked parties; the last one she'd been to had involved cake and candles. The sort of parties John went to more likely involved drugs and debauchery. There was work tomorrow and she had nothing to wear and nobody would want her there anyway.

There was really only one reason though.

She looked up at John. 'So… Claire's not going?'

He leaned in closer to her, so close she could smell the leather in his coat and the cigarette smoke on his shirt. Speaking softly, he said, 'I haven't invited her.'

She swallowed hard, the decision made. 'Where is it?'

His mouth creased into a smile. 'I'll pick you up at eight.' With a wink he was gone, and the day seemed much colder.

* * *

'What?' Madison demanded as she came out of the bedroom and Laura stared at her. She ran a hand through her hair and self-consciously rubbed off some of the lipstick she'd inexpertly applied. Nerves made her rude and aggressive. 'I look dumb, I know.'

'I wasn't going to say that.' Laura smiled. 'I think you look really nice. What time is he picking you up?'

'Eight. It's not a date, Mom.'

'Yes, you have said that several times. Are you sure you don't want to borrow my shoes?'

Madison looked down at the battered sneakers on her feet. Apart from the shoes she wore for work, these were all she had, and she expected they weren't really what girls wore to parties. Her mom's one pair of heels would probably be a much more sensible choice, but the stubborn part of which didn't do parties was only just on board with the make-up she'd put on. Heels were out of the question.

'I'm fine. Thanks.'

'I suppose offering to do your hair is also overstepping the mark?'

Madison grudgingly returned her mom's smile. 'Does it look that bad?'

'Well you could have brushed it, Mads.' Laura laughed and went into the bedroom to fetch a brush. 'I could plait it for you if you like. Or not,' she said, returning and seeing Madison's face. 'You could look more excited,' she said as she began brushing the knots and tangles out of her blonde mane.

'It's just a party, Mom.'

'And you go to them so often.'

Madison ignored her and closed her eyes, actually enjoying this quiet time with her mom. This was the kind of relationship they'd always had, teasing and playful and entirely comfortable with each other. The last couple of weeks had been more tense. For a moment, she almost felt as though she could ask about Zach and she'd get an honest answer.

'So no plait then?'

The moment passed as Madison shook her head and stood up. 'No thanks. I better get going.'

'I thought he was picking you up?' Laura smiled again. 'Okay, so you don't want me to meet him. And yes, I know, it's not a date.' Then, rearranging one strand of Madison's hair, she said, 'You will be careful, won't you sweetheart?'

'Yes Mom. I always am.'

'I know. I know, I know, I know.' Laura pulled her into a hug. 'Don't forget you have work tomorrow. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Don't put any more lipstick on.'

Madison blushed as red as her lipstick and rubbed at it again. 'Any other directions?'

'Have fun.' Laura kissed her on the cheek. 'Have lots of fun.'

That was easier said than done in Madison's opinion. As she crossed the trailer park and headed towards the street, she tried to ignore all the many misgivings she had about this evening. Number one wasn't anything to do with her woefully inadequate party clothes or the fact she'd poked herself in the eye three times trying to get her eyelashes to be all flicky and dramatic. It was that she was caring about these things at all. It was John Bender. This wasn't how she behaved. This was almost certainly a terrible mistake and she wasn't just talking about the black ra-ra skirt she'd found buried at the back of her wardrobe from some pointless shopping spree she'd gone on with her first paycheck. It had still had the tags on.

Just as she wondered if it was too late to bail, she saw him, lit by a streetlight as played with his lighter. He looked like Bad News, in every sense. Still her feet took her towards him.

He didn't speak until she was right next to him. 'You made it.' He pocketed the lighter. 'Let's do this then.'

As invitations went, it wasn't the most enthusiastic, but Madison still fell into step beside him as he walked down the street. He hadn't made a single remark on how she looked, either for the better or worse, which she supposed was a good thing. Sneaking a sidelong look at him, she saw he was wearing exactly the same thing he'd worn to detention that day, satisfying her footwear dilemma.

'So where is this party?' she asked eventually.

'Not far.'

'Whose party is it?'

'Some guy I know.'

'Can you answer any questions properly?'

He glanced across at her with a wry smile on his lips. 'Do you need to ask so many? Look, trust me, it's cool. He's just some guy I know from around and he's having a party at his house.'

Madison fell silent again. She supposed it didn't really matter whose party it was or where he was having it; she would likely not know this guy anyway. She wondered if she'd know anybody.

'Who's going?'

'I don't know, people don't RSVP.' Then, as if he knew he'd been a bit abrupt, he added, 'I don't know. Allison sort of knows this guy too so maybe she'll drop in. And I guess maybe Andrew as well. Dom's supposed to be coming too. Look, if you don't want to come, go home.' He concluded his rant with a few deep breaths as if he'd found it hard to sustain a breath long enough to speak. There was no offer to walk her back the five blocks they'd covered so far. It was clear that if she bailed on this, he'd think less of her. Madison was surprised to discover she didn't want that.

John turned down a driveway suddenly and Madison realised they'd arrived. It wasn't what she'd expected: no thumping music or people spilling out onto the front porch squealing. It all seemed rather gloomy and low-key. This wasn't quite the sort of party she'd imagined.

John, however, didn't seem perturbed by the lack of life, and he knocked on the door. Almost instantly it opened and a Puerto Rican guy in a vest which showed off his extensive tattoo collection stepped out. The suspicion which had been on his face till now melted into a grin as he saw John.

'Johnny! I didn't know you were coming tonight!' The two engaged in a half-handshake, half-hug. 'Long time, man, long time.'

John simply smiled and it was the most relaxed Madison could ever remember seeing him.

'Come in, man.'

Taking a step nearer the door, John turned back towards her. 'Diego, this is Madison. Madison. Diego.'

'Hey. You want a beer?' Diego stepped back into the house and headed towards the back where Madison presumed the kitchen was. 'I'll get you both a beer.'

She hesitated in the doorway as John headed inside. The house seemed even gloomier and run-down on the inside. The smell of cigarettes and pot drifted around her and the sounds of a large group of people talking came from the room to her right. She hugged her bag to her stomach.

'Hey Twinks.' She was surprised to find John standing quite so near to her; she could smell beer on his breath and something else: mint. She didn't know why she was surprised that he'd have brushed his teeth before coming out tonight. It just didn't seem a very John-thing to do.

'You coming inside?' he asked now, looking down at from those brown eyes as if he knew exactly how she was feeling. His voice was unusually honeyed, the brusque comebacks from before vanishing as he spoke quietly to her.

She hesitated, biting her lip. It would be easy to turn around and walk away from this, she'd been doing it for years. Beyond that door was something new and it terrified her. Then she thought about Zach. She could only imagine what he'd say if he knew she'd been invited to a party, had got to the door and had skipped out. It was more for her brother than for herself that she finally nodded. The smile she got from John was an added bonus.

A fug of smoke and warm bodies met her as she stepped inside the living room. It took her a few seconds to see properly and when she looked properly, it was only the fact that John had manoeuvred himself behind her that stopped her backing away and leaving; he seemed to want to keep her here. The least she could do was try not to fall down at the first hurdle.

When her eyes had adjusted to the smoke and gloom, she saw there were at least ten people in the room, lit up by the flickering television screen. The room was small and so they were draped over each other on the sofa and the floor, hands and legs intertwining out of necessity rather than any other reason. At first glance, she took almost nothing in about them; the sea of unfamiliar faces overwhelmed her and made her drop her gaze to the floor which was littered with chip packets and shoes.

A couple of people greeted John with the same enthusiasm as Diego. This time he didn't introduce Madison, and she knew she should have been annoyed but was instead grateful to be overlooked. Clinging to the shadows, she fell naturally into the position of observer. The TV was set to MTV and there was the occasional comment which related to the pictures on screen, but for the most part it seemed to be background noise as the people in the room talked incessantly, several conversations taking place at once, making them impossible to follow. She lost John in the gloom as he was adopted into the group.

Diego returned with three bottles of beer, giving one to John, one to Madison and keeping one for himself. He slumped down next to her on the floor and for a moment she thought she'd have to make awkward small talk with somebody she knew nothing about. She felt her heart beat raise slightly with the stress of it. Then he turned to one of the guys on the sofa and cracked a joke. He'd completely left her out of the conversation but she didn't mind.

The beer was ice cold, so cold that it almost blocked out the taste, which she was also pleased about. In the absence of anything better to do, she drank the bottle quickly and found to her surprise that she hadn't been completely overlooked as Diego passed another one to her almost before she placed the empty down. With a smile of thanks, she settled down with the second bottle and promised herself it would be her last.

* * *

Leaning her head against the wall, Madison remembered suddenly that she'd left her coat somewhere indoors and it was only April. Somehow, though, even as goosepimples sprang up along her arms, she couldn't feel the cold. That was something to be grateful for, as her head was spinning and she was finding it hard to remember how she'd even got out onto the back porch of Diego's house. She suspected she'd fallen over at some stage though, as her knee was throbbing. Not feeling cold was a blessing. Perhaps if she just went to sleep she'd wake up tomorrow morning and everything would be better.

'I think somebody could do with this.' She lifted her head as somebody sat down beside her. Opening her eyes she saw John, a small smile on his face as he passed a cup of coffee. 'And this as well. You're freezing.' He slipped out of his own jacket and, before she could protest, it was around her shoulders, a strangely comforting and grounding weight.

The most she could manage in reply was a vague grumble which made his smile widen. She took a tentative sip of the coffee and pulled a face. His smile turned into a laugh ending in a cough that sounded painful and she would have questioned if she hadn't been concentrating on not vomiting.

Recovering his breath, he said, 'It's got to be better than the shit beer you've been knocking back.'

Finally finding her voice, she said, 'I feel awful.'

'You look it too. Let me guess: you've never drunk before?'

'Not really.' Any attempt at lying would be seen through: the evidence was right in front of him. Shame flooded through her and she took another gulp of coffee as she tried to damp it down. This was absolutely how she hadn't wanted this evening to go.

By her third bottle of beer, she had been feeling a little more confident and had begun to listen in on the conversations she could hear. Actually contributing, even with a small laugh or nod, had taken until her fifth beer, and after that she didn't remember much at all. What she did remember, however, was that she'd sort of been enjoying herself. These people, who John hadn't quite referred to as friends, were nice. There was the sort of feeling in the room which she recognised from when Zach was at home filling the trailer with good-natured insults and laughter. Madison had actually found herself relaxing for the first time in what felt like forever, and she was pretty certain it wasn't just because of the beer and the passive smoking. She liked it here, and now she'd made an idiot of herself and somehow stumbled outside where she could never come back from because it was just beyond embarrassing.

Taking another sip on the disgusting coffee, she mumbled, 'Sorry.'

'What for?'

She gestured vaguely around and almost hit him in the face, blushing furiously as he simply grinned. 'For almost smacking you. And for… this.' She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them, closing her eyes and hoping the world would stop spinning soon. Sighing heavily, she said, 'You must wish you'd never asked me along.'

There was a long pause in which she assumed he'd nodded and she'd missed it. Then he said, 'Are you having a good time?'

She gave it some thought. Obviously right now she wasn't having the time of her life and the start of the evening had been hideous. But in the bit in between… 'Yeah, I guess.'

'Then I'm glad you came.'

Madison opened her eyes and looked into his. Her mouth creased into a smile to reflect his.

'You reckon you can stand up?'

'Yeah, why?'

'It's gone midnight. What time do you start work tomorrow?' All she did was groan in reply. He smiled again. 'We better get you home. I'll be back in a second.' He slipped back in the back door.

Madison nodded, only realising too late that she hadn't asked him to get her jacket. She was just steeling her nerve to walk back into the party when a body on the porch beside her spoke.

'Hey, don't I know you?'

In the light spilling out of the windows, Madison took the girl in. She wore her red lipstick far better than Madison herself had done, and her tight black dress seemed more suited to a party than the ra-ra skirt. Leaning against the house, her brown hair in a cloud around her head, she looked like she fitted in. That kind of confidence couldn't be bought.

'You go to Shermer High, right?'

Madison nodded. 'I'm a senior.'

'I'm a junior.' Who seemed infinitely more sorted than Madison was. Embarrassment swept over her again. 'You take history with Dunstan?'

Madison recognised her suddenly as the sullen girl who lingered in the back corner, quite often painting her nails instead of getting on with the work. To her knowledge, Mrs Dunstan had never once called on her to answer a question, probably too taken up with managing John.

Alcohol making her sleepy, she simply nodded.

'So you're here with John?'

A frown crossed Madison's face. It was a simple question, yet even with her beer-addled brain, she could sense a second layer. It was true that she'd arrived with John and seemed to be leaving with him. But was she _with_ him? In truth, she'd hardly seen him for the past couple of hours as she'd gradually mingled more with the increasing numbers of people at the party. She still couldn't describe herself as a social butterfly but for the first time in a very long time, she'd felt sort of part of something. And that was partially down to John.

In a few swift words, this girl had turned all those positive feelings on their head.

Choosing her words as carefully as that much beer would allow her, she said, 'John told me about it, yeah.'

The girl raised her eyebrows. 'I thought he was dating Claire Standish.'

'He is.' Madison attempted a nonchalant shrug.

'So where is she?'

'You should probably ask John that.' Madison bit her lip as she realised how snappy she'd sounded. One glance at the girl showed her that she'd made a big mistake.

'Maybe I will.' The girl's eyes swept over Madison again, no doubt taking in her darkening roots and badly applied make-up. A nasty smile spread over her face, stretching the lipstick into a garish slash. 'He's always had a thing for blondes, I guess.' With that, she pushed herself off of the wall in a way which said she was not only comfortable with attention, but actively encouraged it. The back door opened just as she reached it and John stepped out. Madison wondered if she imagined the momentary rabbit-in-headlights look when he came face to face with the brunette, as his face so quickly fell back into its usual nonchalant arrogance.

'Hey John.'

He stepped to one side. 'Nancy.'

The girl smirked and shot Madison one last look before stepped back inside the house.

John finally tore his eyes away from her and back to Madison. 'Shall we go? Here, I got your jacket.'

'Who's she?'

'Who?'

Madison pointed at the door.

John shrugged. 'Nobody. Just… some girl I know.' He held her jacket out to her. 'Come on, we need to get going.'

The topic, it seemed, was closed.


End file.
